Scouting Legion High School [ An Attack on Titan Modern High School!AU ]

Butt Scooters

"Hey Connie!" Armin smiled. "Happy-" His smile subsided as his mind began to slowly wrap around what he saw in front of him. "What are you doing?" Armin asked, gesturing to what appeared to be Sasha holding Connie's legs as he laid on his belly on a butt scooter. He wore a football helmet, implying that someone or something was getting hurt.

"Connie bowling," Connie replied as he pat his football helmet.

"And that's a good idea to you?" Armin asked.

"Yep!"

"I second that," Sasha stated. "Quick Armin! Have 911 ready to dial!"

"Alright," Armin sighed as he pressed in the numbers. However, he paused. "What exactly are you bowling?"

"Connie, duh," Sasha said.

"Come on, Armin, you're supposed to be smart," Connie said.

Armin blinked in offense. "No, I meant what are the pins?"

"Those foam cups over there," Connie pointed.

"Why foam cups-"

"You ask too many questions!" Sasha shouted as she and Connie let out a battle cry. She ran down the hallway, pushing Connie in front of her like a lawnmower. She let go of him, sending him gliding down the hallway uncontrollably at an alarming speed.

Of course, Jean had impeccable timing, as always, and stepped into the hallway.

Disaster struck as Connie hit Jean like a freight train, sending him into the air. He struck the floor and rolled around.

Connie rolled off the butt scooter. "WOO! That was exhilarating."

"Yeah!" Sasha called out. "Let's do it again!"

"What about Jean?" Armin asked.

"What about Jean?" Connie asked obliviously as if what had occurred in the past ten seconds never happened.

Armin made violent gesticulations at the boy on the floor, still groaning as he curled into fetal position. "You kinda sorta hit him and he's kinda sorta writhing in pain."

"Maybe it's because of dank meme," Sasha stated.

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Armin exclaimed.

Connie stared blankly at Armin. "Out of all the flavors you can choose, you had to choose salty."

"Ha!" Sasha cheered. "Savage!"

"I'm done here," Armin uttered as he walked away.

✎ a few minutes later ✐

"Yo, Connie!" Ymir said as she walked over to him and Sasha with Christa by her side. Like Armin, the two girls stopped to question what they see.

"Whatchu doing?" Christa asked, slightly weirded out.

"A new sport!" Sasha explained.

"It's a mix of lacrosse, archery, and the sport of riding into battle on butt scooters," Connie stated.

"Follow-up question," Ymir stated. "Why do you have bras?"

"And why is there a bra hanging on the wall?" Christa asked.

"These are the net-slash-projectile launchy thingies and the goal," Sasha explained.

"We call it... Bra-sketball!" Connie said in wonder as he did jazz hands.

"Where did you even get these bras?" Ymir asked.

"Aren't these yours?" Sasha asked Ymir.

"Mine?"

"They're not yours?"

"Never seen them in my life."

"Connie, I thought you said you stole these from Ymir's locker," Sasha said in concern.

"Hm." Connie rubbed his chin. "Then I stole these from somebody's locker."

"I'm flattered that you think I can afford that expensive Victoria's Secret lacy shit, and I'm surprisingly flattered that you think my boobs are that big, but they're not," Ymir said.

"Why do you have my bras!" A voice cane from behind them. Everyone turned around to see Reiner marching up to them angrily. "And why is Gertrude hanging from the wall?"

"You named your sexy red lacy push-up bombshell 'Gertrude'?" Sasha asked.

"Yes," Reiner spat as he grabbed Gertrude. "Now give me Helga and Jezebel."

Sasha gave up Helga, but Connie butt scooted away with Jezebel.

"No!" Reiner shouted as he ran after Connie "Jezebel compliments my man boobs the best!"

"Your moobs are nearly bursting out of your shirt, you don't need another push-up bra!" The girls heard Connie shout from around the corner.

"Amen," Ymir stated.

"So what did you get Connie for his birthday?" Christa asked.

"A butt scooter," Sasha stated.

There was a pause as they listened to the distinct sound of two man-children fall down each individual step of a flight of stairs accompanied by the sound of stupidity.

"Looking in hindsight, I'd say it wasn't a good idea," Sasha winced.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AN: FREAKING BUTT SCOOTERS