Scouting Legion High School [ An Attack on Titan Modern High School!AU ]

Idiot Friends

Eren sat down in the comfiest chair in the library. It was his study hall, and he had finally gotten a pass to the library (which was limited and unfortunately hogged by his peers [ahem... Armin]). As his butt sank into the cushion of the chair, he leaned back and rested his arms on the armrests, closing his eyes.

He enjoyed this for a few seconds before reaching into his backpack and pulling out his favorite book. Before he opened it, he quickly glanced around.

There was something that was odd. It was almost too quiet to be true. Granted, it was the library, but his friends...

Eren simply shrugged it off and leaned back against the chair, opening the book in front of him. He smiled as he flipped through the pages of an American literature classic:

Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss.

"EREN!" Someone shouted his name as the library doors were audibly kicked open. Eren sighed as a certain blonde coconut ran closer.

"Help me!" Armin said in a desperate panic.

"What is it?" Eren asked, irritated.

"They're trying to kill me!" Armin squealed.

"Who-"

"WHERE'S THAT SON OF A BITCH-ASS WALRUS?!" Another blonde, this time shorter with the fragility of a princess, kicked the library doors open once again.

"Do you children have no respect for the library?" The librarian spat as she stood up, staring at them with her soulless eyes.

However, Christa ignored her as she marched over to Armin. Armin immediately dashed away.

Eren went back to his book, praying that no one else would bother him-

"Yo, you fucking idiot."

"What is it, Jean?" Eren groaned from behind his book.

Jean approached him with Sasha behind him. "Tell Sasha that just because I am a Homo sapiens, it doesn't mean I'm gay."

"He's gay," Eren stated.

"Thank you!" Sasha shouted.

"I'm not gay!" Jean whined as he stormed off. Sasha followed him, mocking him the entire time.

"Hey Eren," he heard another voice call for him. Another blonde walked up to him. This time, it was a tall guy who was approaching him with Connie.

"So we have a very important thing to discuss," Reiner began. He paused. The stern expression on his face didn't change. Crap, did he find out that Eren sold his Victoria's Secret bra to some junior who filled it with hot sauce to fling at people?

Reiner inhaled deeply. "Every time we touch, I get this feeling."

Eren blinked. "What?"

"And every time we kiss, I swear I can fly."

"Reiner, that song is like, 50 years old," Eren whined.

"Pay up, Connie," Reiner said as he held out his hand to the shorter boy. Connie crossed his arms. "Not until you do the thing."

"That wasn't part of the deal," Reiner argued.

"Fine, you don't get five bucks-"

"What did the fish say to his ex?" Reiner asked.

"What?" Eren rubbed his forehead.

"You used to call me on my shellphone," Reiner sang while replicating the dance in the music video.

"Holy fuck," Eren sighed.

"Late night when you need my love

"Call me on my shellphone-"

"Can you please go away?" Eren whined.

Reiner stopped at once, holding his hand out to Connie. Connie sighed before dropping a five dollar bill into Reiner's hand. They both immediately left the library.

"I swear," he uttered under his breath. "This happens the one time I decide to read!"

Eren sighed. He was able to read through a couple lines when...

"Eren!"

"What?!" Eren nearly shouted. He turned to his side to see Mikasa peek at him from between a gap in the book shelf.

"You left your lunch at home," Mikasa stated.

"Oh, thanks," Eren said, feeling bad he shouted at her. He stared at Mikasa waiting for her to either says something else or give his lunch to him, but neither happened.

"Can... Can I have my lunch now?" Eren asked.

"No."

"Why not?"

"No."

"That's not even the appropriate answer!"

As a response, if it was one at all, Mikasa turned around and headed towards the doors of the library. Eren didn't want I get out from his spot which was comfortable, but he also wanted his lunch. So Eren got up and started after Mikasa. She took so many turns, he was sure she was going in a loop.

They finally reach the band room. As Mikasa opened the doors, he saw everyone jump out and shout "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAEGER-BOMBASTIC!"

They even printed out a banner with the same phrase. Not to mention, it was on the cake as well.

"Happy birthday, Eren," Mikasa said.

"Thanks, Mikasa," Eren smiled as he hugged her. They pulled apart, and he smiled brightly at all his friends. "I really appreciate this, guys. And you guys did good with the distraction!"

Everyone else blinked in confusion.

"Distractions?" Marco asked. "We didn't have those planned. Why would we need to distract you if you're already spending time in the library alone?"

"Then why was everyone being so stupid?" Eren asked, glancing at everyone he saw earlier.

"If they act stupid, it's really nothing new," Ymir stayed.

"That's true," Eren laughed. "Hey guys," Eren said as he walked up to everyone who bothered him. He smiled at them, and they smiled back.

He opened his mouth to say the most meaningful words he had said so far that day. Eren stared right into each of their eyes and shouted. "You all are fucking idiots."

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AN: I literally wrote this when I was really tired lol so this is just a little edit (along with some other errors maybe possibly....) [speaking of I should proofread this entire book sometime...] ANYWAYS Happy birthday, Jaeger-Bombastic!

Don't drop that durka durk