Scouting Legion High School [ An Attack on Titan Modern High School!AU ]

Stripper Cake

"Erwin is turning eighteen! We must plan something huge!" Hanji said as she slammed her fists against the table, frightening all of the seniors except for Erwin."

"Something to fit his God-complex," Mike simplified.

"Exactly!" Hanji pointed at the tall man.

Levi sighed. For whatever reason, Hanji decided it was a good idea to convene in the janitor's closet with a single light source hanging above them - the same room she interrogated everyone about a missing pencil.

"Sit up straight, Levi," she ordered.

"Screw you," he spat. "I bet whatever you have planned, it's gonna be awful. Like the ducks."

"Um, those were anything BUT awful," Hanji defended herself. "It was ingenious."

"We never found all the ducks!" Levi shouted.

"I still sometimes here quacking from the vents," Petra spoke up.

"Fine! No live animals!" Hanji stated. She then proceeded to tap her chin. "How about hire a stripper?"

"No," everyone replied simultaneously.

"We clone him!"

"No."

"We go to Olive Garden!"

"NO!" Everyone except Levi shouted, remembering the story that Hanji still likes to tell of the time she, Erwin, and Levi went to eat at the restaurant.

"Then what do you want to do?" Hanji whined.

"We give him a normal birthday," Erd stated.

"How boring!" Hanji booed.

"But no one ever had a normal birthday," Gunther said. "We can just give him a normal birthday and some normal birthday presents so we don't wreak havoc.

Hanji sighed in defeat. "You know what? Do whatever you want. I'll just do my own thing."

✎The Next Day✐

"Happy birthday!" Everyone cheered as they bombarded Erwin with presents and balloons.

"Congrats!" Petra smiled. "You are now a legal adult."

"You can now vote!" Gunther added.

"Considering the major party candidates, I'd probably write in Harambe," Erwin stated casually.

"I hate you," Levi stated. "Here you go," he said, handing Erwin a box.

Erwin quickly unwrapped the box. Inside was a colorful array of socks, and long and short. Best of all, they were from Nike.

"Levi!" Erwin gasped. "Now I can live out my colorful socks with sandals dream!"

"I was afraid so," Levi uttered. "But I remember saying you wanted a lot more socks."

"BUT I DOUBT IT'S ANY BETTER THAN THIS, KIND SIR!" Hanji shouted as she rolled up a massive (and it was HUGE - one Erwin across and one Erwin tall) plate of lasagna to him. She cleared her throat before shouting loudly so that everyone in the building can probably hear her.

"Tadaaaaa!" Hanji sang as another human who looked identical to Erwin Smith pop out of the lasagna. The other Erwin began to seductively rub lasagna against his bare chest and stomach.

Everyone stared at what they were seeing. Their mouths dropped open as the seemingly identical person to Erwin continued to try and look as sexy as possible - how ever sexy a stripper in lasagna may be...

"Hanji, what the hell have you given birth to now?" Levi chided.

"Well, I combined my three ideas... Hanji spoke. "It's a Erwin clone which happens to be a stripper resting in 100 pounds of lasagna."

"Okay, I'm out," Erwin said as he left without seeing his clone cake stripper's show. "I've seen enough weirdness."

"You're welcome!" Hanji smiled brightly.

"You just traumatized Erwin Smith!" Levi spat.

"You don't think your awful attitude traumatized him enough?" Hanji uttered.

"Shut it..." Levi threatened.

And for the rest of the day, Levi spent it chasing Hanji trying to commit murder and framing someone else.

For the heck of it, he decided he would impair Erwin's rather squeaky clean record by adding "assault of another student with 100 pounds of lasagna" to it. What a day it was...