ALWAYS BEEN THERE: A Lloyd Hansen Story

chapter five

If I felt bad about Lloyd's relationship with me before....Well now, it was too much.

I hadn't talked to him in a few days. I was just embarrassed. I didn't want to.

I wandered through the library, finding a new book. This is what made me happy.

It would be a lie to say I didn't miss Lloyd. I did miss him. A lot.

But he didn't do anything. He just kind of stood there while these boys told me off.

I don't know. It's not like I wanted him to beat them up. But any word about us dating, or something along those lines, and he freezes.

I picked up a book, looking at the back of it.

"Heard that one's good."

I looked up, seeing Lloyd leaning against the shelf. I looked back down, embarrassed.

"Camille." He whispered. Oh god he was serious.

"Hmm?"

"Why aren't you talking to me?" He asked.

"I've been busy. I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Is this about what happened at the frat house?" He asked. I looked up at him before looking back down at my book.

"I have to get back to my dorm. Suzanne and I were gonna hang out tonight so-"

"Suzanne's at Dennys. You aren't."

"She's coming back. Lloyd I do really have to go." I whispered.

He sighed. I didn't wanna talk. I didn't wanna talk about how I was humiliated and called a whore and said I should get gang banged like a fucking pornstar.

God one wrong move and I'll be roofied and raped.

•••

I sat in my bedroom reading. Suzanne didn't show. I knew she probably wouldn't. The frat was having a party tonight, hosted by her boyfriend. So of course, I won't go. Knowing Lloyd he was trying to ask me to be his date like nothing happened.

I heard a knock on my door. I sighed and got up, going to open it.

There stood Lloyd. Back again. Oh good god.

"Lloyd." I said as I rolled my eyes.

"Quit with the attitude. I tried to talk to you earlier and you wouldn't let me so now I have to come and show up at your doorstep like a dumbass." He said sternly. I stared at him as he barged in and sat on my bed. I shut my door.

"Wow! You have great company here tonight Camille! Way to lie about it."

"Shut up." I said. "I didn't want you to end up asking me to Dennys stupid party."

He scoffed. "Cam those guys called you shit and pretty much assaulted you. Why would I invite you to one of those parties?"

I stayed quiet. He looked at me.

"What is going on with you? You're so fucking distant cause of the thing. You know I hate those guys. Why would you even think that I was gonna stay bestie buddy with them?"

"Why are you in such a bad mood?" I asked as I crossed my arms.

"Because I missed you Cam! You ignored my calls and texts all week. You've been avoiding me any chance you can get! I miss you!"

I looked away. "Don't start this shit Lloyd. You're horny you don't miss me."

"Oh for gods sakes why do you always say that? You're my best friend. Of course I miss you." He said. I hugged myself.

"Yeah. Right. Just the best friend."

"Oh don't bring that up again. I'm happy with the way we are!"

"You're happy. You. I'm not. Lloyd I want you to call me yours. I wanna be with you. All you think about is your frat and your reputation. Oh god forbid you don't date a blonde hair chick that is anorexic and has been to a mental hospital at least four times!"

He gave me a look. I felt tears prick in my eyes. I hated when he said nothing. Absolutely hated it.

I had been thinking a lot about what to say to him all week. This wasn't it.

He got up and brushed past me, walking out.

"Lloyd wait." I said, my voice cracking. He hesitated.

Please stay. Please stay. Please stay. I couldn't talk. I hated when we fought.

I sniffed, trying to hold my tears in.

Lloyd glanced at me. He looked stone cold.

Nope. He had no emotion. He didn't care. Let him go.

I stared at the ceiling. Fuck. The tears were starting to fall. Fuck fuck fuck.

I hugged myself. I heard Lloyd shut the door, making me start to sob. I don't know why I was so mad about this. Maybe it was just my feelings bottling up.

I went down to my bed, sobbing more.

But Lloyd was still in the room. He had shut the door, but with him inside.

I felt him sit beside me on the bed. I tried to stop crying, but nothing was working.

Lloyd knew I wasn't one to cry.

"Cammie."

"Don't." I sobbed. He pulled me into him. I tried to stop crying. Eventually he laid back with me on the bed, pulling a blanket up over us.

"Cam I'm not gonna date you because I can't lose you. I can't lose us. People try to stay friends if something happens and they break up but it never works."

I felt tears flow out of my eyes more.

"If something bad happens we won't be friends anyways...you take me out. You have sex with me. You do everything you would do if you're dating me. That's it..."

"I know I'm basically dating you. I've known that for years...I just don't like dating. I don't like the thought of it. But I've never been with anyone else but you. I've never tried it with anyone else. I- I know you want us to be official. I just can't."

"Is it cause of your popularity or something?" I whispered. He sighed.

"I don't know." He whispered. "I honestly don't. I think it's a factor. And the frat. And the commitment. There's just a lot."

Wt least he was honest.

I was hurt. But whatever. He was being honest and opening up.

I closed my eyes. I was too tired for this. And all this crying made me exhausted.

Lloyd just rubbed my back. I was so tired.

And soon...sleep took over.