ALWAYS BEEN THERE: A Lloyd Hansen Story

chapter twenty-two

Lloyd sat with me on the bed. Max was asleep on him.

I just stared off.

"I'm sorry for going so crazy. I knew that the shit in there could put all of us in jail."

"Yeah."

"What is this about you wanting to divorce me though? Are you serious?"

"No im not serious but you never trust me and I know what I'm doing. Even with max. And you never help me. I married you. We had a kid and I feel like you still treat me like we're in college."

"Really cam? Of course I know we have a kid. It's all I've ever wanted. He's perfect. And I love you and you know that."

"I don't feel it."

"It's been a rough two weeks."

"It's been a rough two years. Ever since Max was born." I said.

He sighed and kissed my head. "I know that I'm a shit husband. I just..I don't know how to separate work from my home life. Especially when work is in your home."

I sighed and held my tears in. "I've been saying we should move. It's like you can't hear me." I whispered.

He sighed. I looked over at him. "This wasn't what I wanted when I married you. Hell it doesn't even feel like I married you. I mean the day after we got married we were on a mission. The day after I had max you were working. It's like every time we get somewhere good we're not again."

"What can I do?" He asked. I stared at my hands. Lloyd moved closer to me. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I want a new house..and I want you to be a husband and dad. I don't want you to just be Lloyd Hansen with hansen government services."

"I can do that." He said.

I sighed and looked up at him. He moved my hair behind my ear.

"I still love you. That hasn't changed."

I nodded. I think I was just calm after the storm. And I was so tired. I just needed him to hold me.

He carefully got up, going to put Max in his room. It was right next to ours and had a door connecting the both of them to make sure he was okay.

He came back in and pulled the blankets up. I was forcing my eyes open at this point.

He moved my head onto his shoulder and kissed my head. "I love you. And I'm sorry. We can talk about all of this later and you can fight with me until you kill me because I know you have more to say. But you're exhausted. If max wakes up I'll grab him. Just sleep."

At last, I felt peace for a bit.

•••

I woke up to lloyd carefully rubbing my back. I groaned and looked up. Lloyd smiled.

"Hi."

"Fuck off." I whispered. He smiled. Max crawled up onto me.

"Mamamama." Max said. I pulled him in and smiled.

"Hi baby." I whispered. He giggled. I kissed his head as Lloyd laid down.

"Maxie sandwich." Lloyd said. I smiled.

I rested my head on Lloyd's chest as max crawled up more.

"He slept through the night." Lloyd whispered.

"He what?"

Lloyd nodded. "I think he senses when you're stressed. Honey he was growing inside of you for nine months. I think he would know."

I nodded. "What time is it?"

"Two thirty." He said. I sat up with max, making him giggle.

"It's what?" I whispered. "Holy shit."

"You needed sleep and I wasn't gonna wake you, but then I thought you were dead so..."

I smiled. I still hated him sometimes.

"You feel okay?" He asked. I nodded and held max. Max rubbed his nose against mine. I smiled. Lloyd smirked.

I looked at him, pecking his lips. Max whined.

"My mama." He said.

"Are you jealous of daddy?" I said and laughed. Max nodded and giggled. He hugged me while I grabbed water from my nightstand and took a sip. Lloyd smiled.

"So what did you and daddy do today?"

"Outside." He said.

"Yep. We went outside." Lloyd said. I got up and went to the bathroom to brush my hair and teeth.

"What else?" I asked as I put my hair up and got back into bed.

"Mmm breakfast."

"Anything else?"

Lloyd whispered something in his ear. Max nodded.

"Cartoons!" He said. Lloyd nodded and smiled.

"Good job buddy." Lloyd said as he turned on the tv. I smiled.

"That sounds like the best day ever. And you slept good."

He nodded. "I'm a big kiddo."

"Yes you are a big kiddo. You're so handsome too." I said as I rubbed his cheek. He looked exactly like Lloyd. I was almost jealous of how perfect he was. He giggled and held my hand.

"I love you." I whispered at him. He smiled.

Max knew how to talk. He was just quiet. I wish he would talk more. He would talk when he was really excited. I guess he got that from me.

Lloyd loved him dearly. He loved how he had a son to spoil the shit out of and teach everything.

Max turned around to watch football with his dad. Lloyd smiled, playing with his hair.

"Football." He said.

"Football is right." Lloyd said.

"Did you know that daddy played football?" I asked.

"No! Pictures!"

I smiled and got up, going to my closet to find my photo album. I came back on the bed. Lloyd gave me a look. I smiled.

I opened it up and found a picture of us. He had his football gear on, and was holding his helmet. He was holding my waist in the picture.

"That's me and daddy." I said. Max smiled. Lloyd looked at me.

"Your mom was the prettiest girl I ever knew. Still is."

I rolled my eyes and gave him a look. He smiled.

"She's so pretty." Max said. I smirked.

"Thanks Maxie."

Lloyd kissed my cheek as max continued looking. His mustache tickled a little.

"Still the most beautiful girl ever." He whispered. I gave him a look. He smirked and looked back at the game. I just stared at him.

I loved my psycho husband. No matter what. Even if he would break my heart into millions of pieces I think I would still love him.

He gave me a beautiful child and a beautiful life.

And I think him and I had working to do, but this was only the start.