ALWAYS BEEN THERE: A Lloyd Hansen Story

chapter thirty-two

I woke up sweating and breathing heavily, sitting up. I looked over to see lloyd fast asleep. I sighed and laid back down.

I desired to get up to go wash my face. I was shaking. I don't know why nightmares kept coming back.

I patted my face with the towel and put a short sleeve shirt on. I got back into bed. As I did, lloyd turned to look at me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing I just had to pee."

He sat up. "You look like you're gonna pass out."

I gave him a look and sat against the headboard. He immediately knew I wasn't gonna sleep the rest of the night.

He laid back and pulled me in. I wrapped my leg around him and stayed in his warmth.

"What was the dream?" He asked.

"I don't remember much at all."

He nodded. I just looked out the window. Lloyd kissed my head.

"I've got you."

I nodded and smiled. He kissed my lips before laying back more. I watched as he rested back. He was so sweet.

Lloyd moved to look at me. I smiled softly.

"What's the dream about? I know you remember."

That shit knew me too well. He knew my ins and outs. I guess I picked the right guy.

"Somethings just been off these last few weeks. I don't know."

He sighed. "You read the text then?"

I looked up at him and nodded.

"It's dangerous lloyd..."

"I know. I- yeah."

"I'm worried. You could get killed."

"With your brains I'll be fine. Besides, I could be killed at any moment. This is nothing new."

One of the biggest missions he had yet. He would be forced to go undercover in Romania for two months. Two months away. I didn't know if I could take it. I would be stuck here alone with max. A three year old needs his dad.

I sighed and looked away. Lloyd sat up and stared at me. He looked tired.

"I promise I'll be in touch and everything I just..this is a breakthrough. The dudes got credit. I've gotta do it."

I nodded. "It's just kinda unsafe.."

He sighed. "I'll stay safe. Pinky promise you."

I hummed. "If you die, I'll die too."

"Shut up. You'll be okay. I promise you."

"This sounds like you're dying."

"I'll be okay too."

I kissed his forehead. He smiled.

"When would you leave?"

"Soon as possible." He whispered. "Just need you to come in and help me."

I sighed and nodded. "Tomorrow morning then."

He nodded and kissed me before laying back again. I sighed and stared up at the ceiling. I think I had separation issues.

We hadnt fought in a while, but this could bubble something up. I don't want him to leave on a bad note though. It was only two months. At least he wasn't in the military or something. That's even scarier.

I moved into his arms. He sighed and held me close. I just stayed in his warmth.

•••

After a night of bad sleep, the family was going to the mansion. Max was eating a little cracker in the back. I sighed and looked in the mirror to see him while I drove.

I sat back in the drivers seat a bit. Lloyd looked stone cold. He needed to be. It got him in his element.

I got to the mansion and got max out. Lloyd went inside to meet up with his guys. I followed him.

"Juice?" Max asked. I smiled and handed him his sippy cup while we went inside. It was almost his nap time. He rested his head on my shoulder.

Suzanne was there and pregnant. She smiled at me. I smiled back as I went to stand by Lloyd. He moved to rub my lower back. I know he was trying anything to make sure we were okay for this next few days.

"Alright. Well I guess we get to it." I said.

•••

Lloyd was leaving tomorrow morning. Max was crying in his arms.

"You can't leave!" He cried.

"I'll call all the time. It's okay buddy I'll be back before you know it." Lloyd said. Max hugged him tighter.

Lloyd rested his head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. I couldn't watch it.

I took a little sip of my wine. Max started calming down. He was tired.

"Okay..I love you bud. I promise. Just be good for mom and I'll be back so soon."

Max whimpered. I felt my tears starting to trace up, but I wouldn't let myself cry. I got up to distract myself.

"Can you read me story?" Max asked. Lloyd nodded and took him upstairs. I stayed in the kitchen.

Tomorrow he would leave. Tomorrow I would be alone.

I took a deep breath and put my hair behind my ears. Twenty minutes later and Lloyd was back downstairs. He grabbed a glass of brandy.

I just stared at him as he downed it.

"Can we go smoke outside?" He asked. I nodded and led him to our room and then to the patio. We sat down in a little outdoor couch out there while I handed him a cigarette. I popped one between my lips and lit them both.

I looked out at the ocean while lloyd moved my legs over his lap. I looked at him.

"You okay?"

He shook his head no.

I know he's wanted to sell this business for a couple months. But if he does, we all die or go to prison, putting max in the system.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He whispered. I smiled and moved to kiss his cheek.