ALWAYS BEEN THERE: A Lloyd Hansen Story

chapter thirty-eight

"Lloyd I asked you to do the dishes an hour ago."

"And I said I'll get to them. While you were taking your three hour long bullshit shower I was watching our son."

I rolled my eyes and started on the dishes.

"Leave them Camille."

I just silently did them.

Today had been off. I didn't feel right and Lloyd and I had weird wavelengths.

"Hey..what did I say?"

"I've got them. It's fine." I said.

I watched as lloyd sat max down with a movie before coming into the kitchen. I looked up at him.

"What?" I said, a little snappy.

"I don't want to fight. What's going on?"

"Nothings going on." I whispered.

Except for the two positive pregnancy tests in the bathroom that I've already sobbed over.

"Cam." He whispered. "Tell me. I know you're hiding something."

I sighed and moved to him. "I have to tell you something later."

"Are you okay?"

I shook my head and bit my lip. I hated when he would ask me that. I was okay until he asked me.

"Camille.."

"You've gotta stop." I whispered. "I'm gonna start crying so you have to stop..."

"What happened?"

I looked into his eyes. He softened.

"Are you what I think you are?"

"I don't know how. We've been safe and everything. I thought we were.. I don't know."

"No that night that we were drunk.. I didn't wear a condom." He whispered in my ear. He was close. I sighed and leaned into his warmth.

He pulled me in immediately. I held him close to me.

"It's okay. We can do whatever you want."

I looked over at max who sat all alone. He was talking to his stuffy. My heart broke.

He needed a sibling.

I looked up at my husband and gave him a little look.

"What's your opinion on it?" I whispered. He kissed me.

"He needs a friend. We can handle one more right?"

I pursed my lips and nodded. "Yeah."

He pulled me into a kiss. I kissed him back.

He moved to rest his forehead against mine. I wasn't gonna cry.

He traced my back with his fingers. This wasn't helping with my emotions.

Fuck and I can't drink or smoke.

Max came running over. I pulled away and picked him up.

"Hey buddy."

"Is it bed time?" He asked.

"Yeah just about. You tired?"

He nodded. I kissed his cheek as Lloyd took him. He giggled.

"Night mommy."

"Goodnight sweetie. I love you."

Lloyd brought our kid upstairs. I leaned against the counter and tried not to cry.

I looked out the window and felt my tears starting to flow. I couldn't take it, but more importantly I couldn't keep bottling.

Lloyd came down a few minutes later.

"Hey. Look. If this is gonna make you feel worse than you already do, you're getting an abortion. I am not letting you go through all of this just to feel worse about yourself."

"I'm okay. I'm just scared and I don't feel good and I'm exhausted and mad and-"

"You're not okay."

I nodded and took a deep breath. He kissed my head.

"I'll be okay is what I'm saying."

He nodded and kissed me. I melted immediately. He stayed for a few seconds before pulling away.

"Cammie I love you. I'm so sorry I didn't think it would happen so.."

"It's not your fault."

"Yes it is. You wouldn't be pregnant if it wasn't for me."

I giggled through the tears. "Oh god." I whispered.

He wiped my tears. I hugged myself close to him as he wiped them.

"Boy or girl?" I asked softly.

"Girl." He whispered. I smiled.

"It's up to your little swimmers." I whispered.

"Yeah." He said and sighed. "Hoping they treat me right."

His sarcastic tone could make my emotions soar. He made me feel so much better.

"What do you need? You have any cravings?" He asked.

"No. I want a movie. And tomorrow can you make those brownies you always make?"

"Sure. And hey. I'm here for you. I'll help you out whenever you need."

"Thank you."

He kissed my forehead. "Let's go watch a movie."

•••

Lloyd

Camille slept on my body. She was buried in the crook of my neck with her whole body on top of mine. I loved this.

She was so warm and gentle. And now she was carrying our second child.

I rubbed her back as she slept. I wanted a little girl just like her so bad.

She shifted a bit as I moved to lay back more. She woke up and shifted to her side of the bed. I smiled.

"Goodnight." She whispered. I smiled and laid down with her.

"I love you." I whispered. She smiled and pulled me into a soft kiss.

"I love you too." She said on my lips.

I turned off the tv and the lamp beside her before laying back with her.

"I want a girl too. I think max would be good with a girl." She whispered. I smiled.

"I agree."

She leaned into me. "I'm gonna be a bitch."

"That's okay. I can handle that. Besides I'm not the one carrying the thing."

She smiled.

"Thank you lloyd." She whispered.

I kissed her cheek before moving her hair out of her face. "Sleep."