ALWAYS BEEN THERE: A Lloyd Hansen Story

chapter twenty-five

tw mentions of suicide

Lloyd came into the kitchen as I finished cleaning up. He stared at me before coming over.

Things had been quiet the last few days.

He pulled me up into a hug so quick I think I lost all the air in my lungs.

"Jesus." I whispered as he picked me up and set me on the counter to hug me more.

"What's wrong?" I whispered as he buried his face in my neck.

"The test came back positive.."

I held my breath. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

"Okay." I whispered. "Umm. You should visit her.."

He took himself off of me and stared. I didn't say anything. I knew my chin was quivering. I got off and tried not to cry. I shouldn't cry. I wasn't allowed to be upset over this.

"Cammie don't just wait. Wait.." he whispered. I looked up at him.

He looked down at me. I took a deep breath.

"I feel like the other woman. I grew up wishing that I would meet my dad for years but now, I'm the one taking that away from a little girl. This is my fault."

"Camille it's not your fault. I got the girl pregnant. It's not your fault."

I huffed myself. I had been trying to keep it together but this was my breaking point. I've tried so hard.

"It's not your fault. You and Max can come with. I want you two with."

I thought about max. Poor boy doesn't even know that his dad has someone else besides him. I shouldn't be mad about this.

"Camille. Stop." Lloyd said. I looked up at him. "Let's go get some air."

"I don't want to. I'm fine." I said as I wiped my eyes.

"Hey wait let's just talk-"

"I don't want to talk lloyd. I feel disgusted with myself. If she's ten years old it's the last girl you've had sex with. She was the first girl you kinda liked before me. You took her out on a few dates even, and had sex with her multiple times. You could've actually had a life with her but I continued pushing you. That little girl could've had a loving father around. Max wouldn't have to hear the news that his dad has another kid. That's what I'm worried about. I am worried about these poor damn kids."

"We would've found each other no matter what. Cammie I have always loved you before anyone else. You know that deep down. I would've still made my way back to you. And please do not bring up max because I feel like shit when thinking about the issues with him."

"I will bring him up because he is our son. He's gotten this unconditional love and now someone else is gonna take some of that!"

"It would've been the same if you were to be pregnant again. It's a sibling."

"No it's different because that sibling would be ours but that poor girl is one of your whores!"

"Camille! Listen to yourself. She's a good mother if she's raised this girl on her own. You need to stop because that poor girl just needs a father like you said."

I held onto the counter. "I don't feel like Max and I should be in your way."

"No. You're coming. You're my family."

I sighed and rested my head down. I felt sick to my stomach.

"I'm just so sick of hearing so much more about you. What happened to the sweet boy that loved only me. What happened to my best friend?"