ALWAYS BEEN THERE: A Lloyd Hansen Story

chapter forty-seven

Life continued to be quiet for Lloyd and I. Until one day he came into the office.

I was working on some writing. Jotting little things down. I might as well use my minor in English at one point.

"Hey." Lloyd said. He had Maeve in his arms. Max was at school.

"Hi."

He came over and sat down next to me. I finished up a sentence before looking at him. Maeve smiled at me. I smiled back and kissed her cheek. Lloyd sighed softly.

"I wanna go to Croatia." Lloyd whispered. I looked up at him, pulling away.

"What?"

"I'm- I don't know."

"Max is in school."

"Will a week kill him?"

"Can you not wait two months for summer?"

"I'd rather not right now."

"One week right now in school could be harmful to his learning. Why don't we just wait?"

His gaze softened for a second. He looked down at the ground before up at the ceiling.

I sighed softly. Maeve gave me fingers. I pulled her in and held her. Lloyd gave me a stare.

"Please?" He whispered. "A weekend even."

"Weren't you the one who wanted to move here?" I asked. Maeve held my hand.

I looked at her. Lloyd smiled softly down at her. I got up and kissed Lloyds head.

"I love you. But we can't risk Max right now. He's working very hard and I can't remove his groove. Less than two months, okay? And then I promise you we can stay there from June to august."

He nodded. I went into the other room. Lloyd stayed in the office while I made Maeve a bottle.

A few minutes later and he was back out, holding onto my notebook.

"Woah hey..." I said.

"Cam why don't you post these?" He asked.

He had flipped to a page. "These are...well I actually didn't know how you felt about some of these things until now."

I sighed and took the book. "That's private."

"Sorry. I just...Cam cia was definitely not your passion."

I sighed. "Yes it was. At the time it was."

"Well I think you're extremely talented."

"And I'm extremely embarrassed." I whispered.

"Hey. No need for that."

I sighed. "What it is...it's nothing. I just- I need something to do."

"Can I continue reading?"

"What if I'm ranting about my husband in this?"

"Well..that's fine."

"Okay." I said. I handed him the notebook. He walked away.

I looked at Maeve and sighed. She smiled. I smiled and rested my forehead against hers. "God what a cutie." I whispered.

•••

Lloyd sat down next to me in bed. He was freshly showered and shirtless. He was still quiet.

His hair fell damply over his face, a little piece curled.

He moved to kiss my cheek before laying down and curling up. I glanced over at him as he turned on the tv and sighed.

"Lloyd.."

"Hmm."

I pulled him onto his back and into a short kiss. He pulled away and looked at me.

"What?" I whispered.

"What are you doing?" He whispered.

"Kissing you... obviously."

"Right."

I pulled back. "What's wrong?"

"Do you like kissing me?"

"Yeah. What? Yes. You're my husband."

"Okay."

"Why are you asking me?" I whispered as I sat up to look at him.

"I don't know."

"You do know."

He sighed. "You just never wanna have sex with me."

"Says who? I have sex with you."

"Yeah. Vanilla."

"What sex do you want?"

"The kind where we don't have to worry about waking the kids. The kind we used to have. The kind where we could just...stay naked until dawn and not even worry."

"Oh god. So slutty college sex?"

"Yeah....the kind where I could make you squirt."

"Good lord." I said and fell back on the bed.

"I'm being serious." He said as he let out a chuckle. "I just...I wanna make slutty, dirty love to you."

I giggled. "Yuuuuuck."

"Can we go at least fuck in the shower?"

"Honey."

"Whaaat? Then we can have dirty sex but shower too."

"Why don't you fuck me here how you want to, and then we go shower?"

"Sure." He said as he laid me down and got on top of me. The sheets cascaded over the both of us. I liked that feeling. Trapped, but with him.

He pulled me into a soft kiss. He was gentle and loving about it, but at the same time, I knew he wanted this off his chest. He wanted that rush that he got from when we had sex all those years ago.

He missed sex for the thrill of it. No 'good marriage' tactic, trying for kids, etc. it was just us.

Lloyd sighed and pulled away. I looked at him.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Mhm."

I sat up.

"Don't. Lay down."

"Lloyd."

"I really need a release. Please." He said.

I smiled. "Really?"

"I really miss you."

"You know you can ask me these things."

"We've been out of it."

"This might help."

He nodded and kissed me again. I leaned back.

"Hey lloyd?" I whispered.

"Mmm." He said as he kissed my neck.

"Fuck me like you mean it."

•••

Lloyd stood with me in the shower. Water ran down his back as he kissed me.

My legs shook as I stayed close to him. He pulled away and smiled.

"You need sleep."

I nodded and smiled. He kissed me again.

I loved his lips.

But I also liked this quiet peace between us. This quiet moment.

I felt kinda weird up until this moment. Until he kissed me with such passion, while still being so gentle.

Lloyd carefully pulled away from me, resting his forehead against mine.

I smiled and relaxed.

"You wanna get dressed and go to bed?"

I nodded and kissed him again. He sighed and smiled.

"I love you." Lloyd whispered.

"I love you too."