I look around from my seat.
People. Chattering. Shouting.
It feels like I'm stuck here. I wish I could hide. To be by myself. I want to run away. But I can't. There's a window next to me. I wish I could just smash the window and jump out. My head hurts, and my body feels numb. Everything feels sore.
My arm starts shaking. I can't control it.
I pull my sleeve down and bite hard down on my arm.
I use this to try and cope with the anxiety I get from people. Is it effective? I'm not sure.
I haven't told my therapist about it because...it's fine. It's not a big deal. I feel so confused. Do I want to die? To self-harm? I don't think so.
What counts as suicidal ideation? And what doesn't?
I don't want to talk about suicide because I am trying to avoid in-patient at all costs.
Why can't I just hide?
