⚠️ warning: extremely explicit ⚠️
suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255
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2/14
entry name: [suicide]
i don't understand. i still have anxiety and i get so sensitive. i thought i was getting better. i got a panic attack today.
i couldn't breathe and i fidgeted with my hands like i always do when i get anxious.
...
i don't want to talk to my parents about my feelings because--i don't feel comfortable talking about it.
when my mother shouted at me, i started hating on myself, asking myself: 'why am i so stupid,'
i guess i want to die because it's just better.
no one has to deal with me and im no longer a problem or a burden.
it's better to be there than live and be a concern.
...
i'm not even that much of an amazing person. if i were a 'good' person, would more people like me, wouldn't they?
even though a lot of my anxiety came from bullying, everything he said was right. he was so damn right. when i repeated the things he said in my head while i was cutting myself, what he said intertwined with the things i already told myself.
but why do i have to live? why do others care about so much about my life?
if i want to die, isn't that my problem?
honestly speaking, i do really want to kill myself.
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i do want to attempt suicide
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why can't i die? i don't understand why i have to be here. why can't i just be left alone? with me and my stupid sh__ty thoughts?
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thankfully, i don't feel this way so strongly anymore.
if you need help, please talk to someone or call 988
