Zodiac Things ^^

the signs as crimes

Aries: arson
Taurus: stealing groceries
Gemini: conspiracy
Cancer: 2nd degree assault (beating up someone who talks shit about their mom)
Leo: indecent exposure
Virgo: money laundering
Libra: shoplifting from Bergdorf's
Scorpio: straight up murder
Sagittarius: grand theft auto
Capricorn: robbing a bank (but by the time they get picked up the cash is safe in a Swiss bank account)
Aquarius: sticking up a 7/11 with a nerf gun
Pisces: cops find like a brick of hash in their car during a traffic stop and charge with "intent to sell" but pisces is like nah dude, that's for me