Only you (Book 4)

Tears and rain

Lizzie POV

„What was it that you guys were fighting about?"
My mom asked me as I calmed down from crying.

„She told me she remembered a glimpse of the night she got shot. But then she said that she'd be better off if she wouldn't remember."

„And that hurt you right?"

„Of course it did. It ripped me apart on the inside. Imagine someone you care so much about says
„I think I am better off If I don't remember you". Mom all I felt was agony in that moment."

„And what did you tell her?"

„That I literally did everything she asked for.
I took care of her kids even though she should have given them to her best friend. She left me with behind with her kids and dog. I stopped working. All I did was taking care of them and visiting her in the hospital."

„So you didn't want to take of them in the first place?" she asked me irritated and I sat up trying to adjust myself.

„No I mean I told her that they would have been better off if they would have staid with Beth."

„That's is so wrong for you to say."

„How so? I barely knew her kids. Beth knows them since they were born. So they are obviously better off with her while Nora was gone."

„Nora knew what she asked for and she knew what she was doing. I think she chose you for a good reason."

„and what reason would that be?" I asked her mad.

„Maybe she knew that you would learn to love them just as much as Nora does. Remember she thought she was dying that day. That was her last will. She might have felt it deep down. That you would have been the mom they deserved to have when she wouldn't be around anymore. Beth might be her best friend. But she probably knew that she wouldn't be able to raise them even if she knew them longer than you." I staid silent not knowing what to say since my mom hit me with those words.

„She wanted the best for her kids... and in her eyes that was you. So if you told her „I didn't even want to take care of them. Beth should have done it." then it is totally reasonable for her to kick you out of her bed and house. Because in that moment you made her think she made the wrong decision while she was bleeding out."

„Mom I-."

„I am not done. I love you lizard. But I am a bit harsh with you right now because I need you to see her point of view as well. I totally understand your pain and why you feel that way. But you both suffer and before you go back to her or if you do at all I don't know that is your decision, then you need to understand her side as well and you need to reflect if you would have decided the same thing." she cut me off and I learned that if my mom wants to lecture me I should keep it quiet and listen. Because she never does it and if she does she is serious about it.

„Nora must've thought about this decision for a while and choosing you over her best friend says a lot. She had a clear and rational mind when it came to the thought of her worst case scenario. You'd step into her role. Take her place in as a mother. And you did it gracefully. Maybe you thought you weren't ready. But no woman is ready to become a mom. You grow into it as soon as you have that responsibility."

„I really thought I wasn't ready at all."

„But they grew onto you right?" she asked me as she tilted her head towards me and I nod with a faint smile on my face as I think back to all the moments I had with them. Even the bad ones made me grow and learn.

„They have a really special place in my heart.
Sometimes I had moments where I felt like they were my own kids and that I was the only one there to raise them."

„See? You love them. They are not your biological children but that doesn't mean that you can't be their mom. Nora did the right decision."
She told me and I really need to think about what
I have to do next...

Narrator POV

Nora's tears weren't the only things that feel to the ground. As time was passing her tears didn't stop and at some point she started to feel mother natures tears fall down onto her skin.
Small natural tears fell at fist but they became so heavy as if they wanted to extinguish a wild fire.

Nora didn't mind to get up from where she was sitting. She loves the rain. It feels like a hug that embraces her. Every drop on her felt as if a little weight got lifted of off her shoulders. With every drop it became easier for her to feel and except what she is currently going through.

She felt the rain on her skin and enjoyed it even. Others would probably run in hysterically to a dry spot but Nora just sat there on the grass and took in this moments that feel so pure and real to her.
Finally she could remember something and it was important even through she didn't share it with anyone yet.

„Oh how I wonder if you feel that rain too Lizzie."
She looked at her hands where rain was falling onto it none stop. She looked up at the grey sky and let herself fall back to the green grass underneath her.

Lizzie POV

„Oh good god i didn't expect such a heavy rain today." my mom got up hysterically and took the two cups of tea to run back into our house. Me on the other hand. I didn't move an inch of my body.

„Lizzie for the love of god come on in you are getting soaked and you will be sick when you stay out there." I heard her yell from behind me but I just turned my head towards her to smile wide.

„I'll stay here. I need this right now." I told her and she hesitated before she let me be as she probably realized that she shouldn't pull me away from this moment.

„I learned to love the rain just as much as you do.
I learned to love your kids just as much as you do.
And maybe one day we will learn to love each other." I whispered to myself as I looked up to feel every heavy drop of rain on my skin.

...