Only you (Book 4)

She did it to keep you safe

Narrator POV

„Come on. Let's get you out of this mind space Love. Just listen to me and do as I say alright. You will get through it."

„Now I need you to touch something. Anything.
I want you to focus on what you can feel physically. What is it that you're touching?" she asked as she was trying her best to lead her out of it.

„The.. mattress beneath me."

„Great. How does it feel?"

„Hard. Yet soft with some bulges in it."

„Good. Now something else with your other hand." she added and Nora's hand started to move under the blanket where it already was.

„A gown. Maybe cotton. It's soft and warm."

„Those are my shorts." Lizzie told her while she was grabbing them tight. Nora pulled away quick but Lizzie placed her hand in hers trying to reassure her that it's fine.

„It's okay. Those are just some shorts."
She told her which loosened up the situation a bit. There was a short laughter between the both women.

„Now Name me the first five things that you see. It doesn't matter what it is. Just something."

„The ceiling. The blankets we share. Our socks on the ground. My closet. My armchair a-and the desk I like to get creative on."

„Those are six but that's okay. You did great. Now something else. How about... things you can smell?"

„That's hard."

„Just try your best. That's all that matters."

„the mouthwash after I exhale. The fabric softener I used for cleaning the bedsheets. The wooden floor. The jasmine tree outside and... your hair." she whispered at the end as she opened her eyes.
She was calm by now but she didn't even realize it.

„See? You did great love. This is real. The things around you. We are in our bed. The kids are asleep and so is Chestnut. You are safe and no one is here to hurt you again. Ever!" she told her as she was taking a hold of her hand.

„I'm sorry that you had to see me this way. I hate it." Nora told her which made her face frown.

„It's okay. You can let it go whenever it happens.
Don't try to push it down and if I triggered something then I am sorry and I should be the one apologizing. You did nothing wrong. Things like that happen."

„I just hate losing control over it. It makes me feel like shit and weak."

„Oh Nora you are the strongest person I know.
Sometimes our strength shows in our weakest moments. You managed to get back up again."

„I wouldn't have done it without you."

„Oh yes you would because I am sure this isn't the first panic attack you had and honey it won't be the last. But you know what. You will learn out of every single one and I will be there to take you by your hand to guide you through it."

„You would?"

„Every step of the way I most definitely would."
She told Nora while giving her a kiss on the palm of her hand.

„I don't know how I deserve you. Because you certainly deserve better."

„You are my better. Not even that let me correct myself. You are my best! In every way possible. You bring out the worst and most beautiful sides out of me. But what I love most about it is that I stoped hating who I was around you. You are my safe haven. My save space. I feel at peace around you even if there might be a hurricane around us."

Words of affirmation were resting in the air while they were holding each other. Nora let Lizzie in.
Her touch felt good and calming. Gentle and warm. Nothing like the touch she used to feel. She never felt cold and hard or rough.

This is what made Nora feel at ease. The fact that she found someone who is understanding and calm with her. Even through they might fight especially in the last times. They need to come back to each other and now that they did this is the best feeling Nora could think off.

„Y'know. I had nights where I dreamed of you. Of us. I was reminiscing about the memories we created. I played them on repeat in my head.
Hoping that I'd find my way back to you but I was so pessimistic about it that I gave up at one night."

„What night was it?" Lizzie asked curiously wanting to know about which night she was talking about.

„The night you went to that masked ball. With scar and Cobie. I had a huge fight with Beth and the kids noticed it. They are to young to understand what I had to go through and what I lost. I went nuts on Beth. She actually tried to talk me out of going to look for you. Because she knew that I kept an eye on you from afar. I was never able to move on. But Beth told me I should really leave you behind for sake of my kids because she knew I'd put myself in danger when you found out about me. Because eventually with time Robbie would find out and as you see... she predicted it right."

„So.. that night...you wanted to see me one last time? Before moving away?" she asked as she put the pieces together in her mind.

„I didn't intend on moving away. I tried to close a chapter I didn't want to close. Because you were in every new chapter. Beth said it wasn't healthy. Which was probably right. I couldn't agree on it but she saw it from a whole different point of view. So I got ready that night to meet you again after we separated for years."

„How did I not notice that it was you?"

„Beth helped me out with the make up that was beneath the mask I wore. I guess it was that."

„But...did you really wanted to leave? Leave me?"

„Of course not. How could I? I was a fool for thinking that I could go to see you one last time. Because I wasn't able to. Until I heard what you said that night. How you talked about me without knowing that I was sitting inches away from you."

„I had no idea. The amount of alcohol I had that night made me go insane. But Nora. You could have told me. I would have figured things out with you."

„Okay then.. let me ask you this. If it came to the fact that we switched places and it came down for you to keep me safe because that was what I did. Would you do it?"

„Absolutely. I'd do everything to keep you safe."

„See... and this is exactly what I did. I put my own needs aside and did everything in my power to keep you safe. I'd do it again. Because you saw how things turned out after everything blew up. We almost lost each other again. Before we were even able to settle."

...