Where Iris Bloom

Ch. 7 Peek a boo

Kim's POV

"I'll be off to Nana this weekend, are you going with me?" Genevieve swiveled on her seat whilst taking a breather.

"I can't go, I gotta go to work." I mumbled and slumped on her couch. I'm currently hanging out in my sister's office on my day off. Stretching my legs and found just the perfect position to chill.

"We both know you can ditch work anytime, Kim." I may not be looking at her but I know how her eyes rolled. This girl got some attitude but what can I do? She's the only sister I got.

"No can do. I'll visit Nana when I'm free." I was busy scrolling through the endless content of socmed when a text popped up.

It's from my workmate.

"Someone's looking for u girl 😉 kinda disappointed when I told her it's your RD." -Anya

"What did she say?"

I forgot to mention that it's my rest day the last time we pig out. Probably she's there again as per her usual.

"Did you hear me?" Genevieve threw her back pillow landing square on my face.

"No? Can you not see? I'm busy on my phone." I rolled my eyes and turned my back against her shifting from my comfy position.

My sister can be so annoying at times that I wanna wrestle her to the ground. Whenever she's saying something, you should be listening coz she will be throwing anything near her to you.

"Are you back on the dating scene? It's been so long since-" she trailed off as I stopped her right away.

"Genevieve, don't even go there." I warned and I know that she felt the shift on my voice that she abruptly stopped whatever she was about to say. The air in the room became thick as this subject is something nobody dared to talk about.

"I think it's time to forgive yourself, Kim." She said softly.

I took a deep breath and stood up. "I'll be off to somewhere." I didn't even bother to look back and made my way to the door leaving my sister behind.

I hate it when I get ambushed with this topic. She, of all people know too well that it's not something I have any pleasantries to talk about. Sometimes, things are better to keep the way it has ended.

I wound up sitting inside of my car infront of the same house I kept going back to. Staring at the familiar house with my lifeless frame, it's been 3 years and I'm still a prisoner of this particular memory. I'm stuck and have been going into limbo everytime it flashes back. The helplessness that keeps taunting me with endless what ifs and regret is still torturing me to this day. Things would have been different if I haven't left. Maybe, just a little maybe, things would have stayed as it was.

It destroyed me and I thought I wouldn't be able to pick myself up. It's not like I'm totally okay now but the remnants left me beyond unrepairable. I don't even remember how did I start functioning after it all happened. All I know was I woke up one day in an auto pilot and now here I am, going back to this same old house whenever I'm reminded of it.

Is it really normal? Tears won't fall anymore but it's the same pain I'm carrying. I feel so numb and so tired that tears won't come making it more heavier.

There are times that I stay infront of this house for couple of hours motionless. I sit here in solidarity but my mind would run into the endless memories we had and will end up with tumultuous regret. I would leave this same spot and will be driving around until I ran out of gas.

I never dared to talk about it with anyone. I chose to keep it to myself. I never let anyone console me coz I don't think I deserve such. I beat myself so hard that I don't think I deserve forgiveness.