Fantasia

XXXV

August, eleven years ago

Eddy's mother did wake up eventually after what felt like an eternity filled with uncertainty, worry, and fear. Eddy listened to the doctors explaining something about a simple weak spell, triggered by shock. She'd be fine after an overnight stay at the hospital with some rest and to replenish the low vitamins and iron.

It was good news, really, only if Eddy wouldn't have been the reason for her miserable state in the first place.

Because shock? What else would have been the cause if not the decleration of his selfish decision to become a musician? Who else if not Eddy himself?

A great son. A truly great son he was.

When she opened her eyes for the first time in the middle of the night, Eddy just hugged her tight for five minutes straight, feeling a ton of weight leaving his heavy shoulders. She loosely hugged him back and it was all he could hope for. After all, it had been his fault, hadn't it?
That's why he sobbed, "Mum! I'm so sorry!", over and over again, until his mother made shush-noises like back then when he'd been a small kid having nightmares.
"I'm alright, son. Don't worry."
"I'm so, so sorry! I was so scared...", Eddy's voice thinned out at the last three words.
"I'm fine. Just a bit weak", his mum consoled and gently brushed through his hair. Funny, how comforting this movement still was for him, even though she'd stopped doing this a long, long time ago.
"I'm so sorry..." Apparently, it was all Eddy was able to stammer.
"It's not your fault...", she started, and as much as Eddy wanted to believe those words out of his mum's mouth, there was just no way this was true. In those anxious hours of waiting next to her hospital bed, some things became crystal clear to him and he knew exactly what he had to do to make it up to her. To step in and protect her. Protect the little bit of family he had left.

Eddy lifted his head out of her arms and looked at her with blurry eyes.
"Mum, I'm not going to the con."
She blinked, clearly surprised.
"I'll withdraw my application and go study medicine, just like you wanted."
As she blinked again, Eddy could see her gaze slowly softening and becoming brighter at the same time. And he knew instantly, that this was the right decision.
Her next words just strengthened Eddy's resolution, "You are a good son, Eddy. Caring for your mother like this..."
He nodded, the stream of tears subsiding. "Of course I'll care for you! You have for me, my whole life."
"And I will continue to do so. I'm very proud of you, Eddy."
She had almost never said something like that. Eddy felt his insides glow up and himself sitting a bit straighter.
"Then I will continue to make you proud, mum!"
"Good."
His mother smiled at him. Eddy smiled back.

Yes! This had to be the right path. Eddy had to provide and care for his family, for his mum. And how was he going to do that as a musician, struggling through life? He'd have way better chances as a doctor and everything would be so much easier. And although Eddy started to sense some hairline cracks drawing lines on this glow inside his heart and a thick fog slowly covering most of what he loved, what he was living for, he made a promise to himself to do everything in his power to never let something like this happen to his mother again!

She wasn't able to convince Eddy's stubborn head to go home and rest, so Eddy just slept on the uncomfortable hospital stool next to his mother's bed. He didn't complain though, not for the sore neck he'd gotten because of his poor "bed"-choice, not for the fact that the hospital breakfast sucked and not for the doctors taking forever to discharge his mum. Eddy was happy enough that she was getting stronger as the hours passed by and when they finally stepped out of the hospital, he breathed in deeply, firmly holding his mother's hand.
"Let's go home", she said, a small smile playing on her lips. The kind of smile Eddy hadn't seen since his father had gotten sick.

Yes! Eddy Chen was going to be a doctor!

At home, after Eddy had made sure his mother showered without blacking out and she started doing light chores around the house, contently singing old Mandopop classics from the 80's, he went to his room and took out his phone for the first time since yesterday shortly after school.

He furrowed his brows. There were like twenty unread messages and about the same amount of missed calls. Eddy unlocked his phone, and when he realized they were all from the same person, basically all asking where he was and why he hadn't come, his eyes widened.

Fuck. Brett! Eddy had totally forgotten about him over everything that had happened with his mother. About them wanting to meet at Brett's place right after school because Brett had wanted to talk to him. His finger was already hovering above the call sign, when Eddy stopped in his tracks.

Brett. The con. The application Eddy just promised his mother he'd withdraw. The application Brett had encouraged Eddy to hand in.
Yeah... Brett would be really fucking thrilled to hear about Eddy changing his mind. And would Brett understand why Eddy had to do this? For Brett, everything was so simple. Chase your dreams! It's your future, so you are the only one who shapes it, who gets to decide on it.
For Brett, all this might be true. But not for Eddy. Brett wouldn't get it. He'd try to persuade Eddy to not get through with this, to stay on track.

To follow his heart.

And Eddy couldn't have that. Not now. Not ever!

Eddy's face turned stone cold. So did his heart, his soul, as he tapped on Brett's contact, searched for the one button his insides screamed at him not to press. But Eddy did anyway and deleted Brett Yang out of his list of contacts, and out of his life.