Fantasia

LXIV

"Have you found a pen or something?", Eddy asked shakily, even though he knew it made no sense. The notes looked like they were printed and Eddy remembered Brett's messy, sometimes indecipherable handwriting vividly.
"No", Brett, of course, said.
Eddy put down his bow and slowly picked up the score. He wasn't hallucinating. The notes were there, in black and white. And as his head computed the black dots into music, his brain confirmed that what was written there was in fact what Brett and he had just composed.
"How handy", Brett meant next to him, staring at the new music. Eddy couldn't help but huff. It was so like Brett to drop a comment like this, even after experiencing literal magic happen in front of him.
"What happens if we play shit?"
Instead of answering, Eddy shredded some nonsense on his violin. Their eyes were glued to the half filled first page.
Nothing.

"It doesn't write down everything, huh", Brett established.
"Seems like it."
The smaller caught Eddy's gaze. "It has to come from the heart, I reckon. It knows."
"How handy", he repeated Brett's words, causing the other to snort. Was Brett right? Was that a sure way for them to know they were on the right track? When what they played got written down?
"I guess we don't have to look for a pen anymore, huh."
"Guess not", Brett said, "This is... wow..."
"Yeah..."

They both blinked at the freshly painted notes.
Brett cleared his throat. "It's good, what we've come up with so far."
Eddy gulped. "Yeah, it is."
It was beautiful, sorrowful, slow, heavy and light at the same time and filled with a longing that squeezed at Eddy's heart. It was all Eddy felt like this piece had to be.
"Wanna continue?", Brett asked, expectantly looking at Eddy.
"Sure thing!"

So they did. Alternating between the two of them like before, adding bit by bit to their piece. The heaviness and longing was prolonged and they poured all they had been through, all that had been ripped from them into this part. One could argue it was too much, too painful for too long. But it had to be like this and Brett and Eddy knew. In fact, the music sheet was telling them by writing down every note they played, each tone telling bits of their story, each harmony evoking emotions coming with it.

They soon had to take a break. It was taking a toll on them, on their emotional state and when they both put down their instruments without first agreeing on it, there were tears once again, running down their faces. Silence enveloped them as they quietly processed what was happening.
"I reckon, I've never cried this much in my life", Eddy croaked eventually.
"Not even when your dad died? It was pretty bad back then", Brett sniffed, running a sleeve over his nose.
"God, please don't remind me!", Eddy groaned and pressed his palms against his burning eyes. He felt a hand on his back, stroking up and down.
"Sorry", Brett mumbled softly, voice thicker again.
"It's okay..."

It took them several deep breaths, more rubs on Eddy's back and pats on Brett's upper leg for them to calm down a little.
"Thank you, Eddy", Brett said.
"What for?"
"For going through all this with me."
"Of course!"
If that was all it took for Brett to wake up in the end, Eddy was more than happy to compose stuff that made them cry. In fact, he felt how his own piled up agony was being torn down brick by brick while they were playing and writing music.
They were healing, both of them. It was a necessary process, and a real good one.

Brett cleared his throat while wiping away the wet stains on his face.
"There's not another person in the world I'd rather do this with than you, you know."
Eddy lifted his head upon hearing those words.
"You're saying this after everything I've done to you."
"We're passed this, remember?"
"Yeah, I know. I'm not saying it because I'm asking for forgiveness again. I'm just... in awe of how you can put stuff behind you and go forward."
"I'm in a coma because of how I wasn't able to deal with all the pressure", Brett chuckled dryly, "Don't think that's a very good example for putting things behind me."
"Brett, you just forgave me for cutting all ties and on top of that, you even say things like I have been there for you your whole life, when in reality, I practically abandoned you", Eddy explained, desperately looking for words to describe how he admired Brett for his attitude.
"Dude", Brett cut in before he could go on rambling, "Okay, first of all, drop what happened ten years ago. Okay?"
Eddy nodded, a bit stunned by Brett's sudden firm tone.
"And secondly, it's not about what you have or haven't done. It's because it's you. Because you're Eddy and you're simply a great person to be with. I feel like you understand me on a level no one ever could. Maybe that's why you're here, in my world. Maybe you are actually the only one who can help me out of this mess."
Eddy shook his head in disbelieve, letting out a deep breath. "I'm really not that special."
"To me you are."
Eddy glanced at him. At the great man sitting opposite of him, saying all those meaningful, deep things and thus knowingly or unknowingly helped tearing down more of those walls Eddy's heart had built up over the years.
"You are too, I hope you know that", he said back, hoping this simple statement coveyed how much Brett Yang indeed meant to Eddy.

Another deep breath, a small nod at each other, an encouraging smile and they focused on their task again, scanning the notes the music sheet had written out for them.
"You reckon this part has to be longer?", Brett asked, index finger circling the whole section they'd composed so far. Eddy knew what he meant. Was there more they had to tell before they could move on?
"Let's play it through? See how it feels?", he suggested.
Brett already propped up his violin and together, they launched into their piece, Brett playing first and Eddy second. They closed their eyes, listened to the music and at the same time, to their souls.
"What do you think?", Brett asked after the last tone echoed through the hall. Eddy saw in the other's moist eyes that it was probably as hard for Brett to not give in to those tears again as it was for Eddy himself.
"It's good", he huffed, breathing in deeply, "It's good. I don't think there is more we have to add to this section..."
Brett nodded and rubbed his eyes. "I agree. So, what do we do now?"

Yeah, what came after the depiction of all the past painful couple of years? Look forward? Go forth? Leave everything behind?

But before he even formulated a suggestion, everything around Eddy got blurry again and the last thing he saw, before darkness enveloped him, were Brett's dark, wide eyes...