Fantasia

LV

There wasn't even time for the first tear to run down Eddy's cheeks, when he felt Brett's arms close around him, holding him tight. He was so stunned his sobbing stopped in an instant.
"...Brett?"
"I'm sorry I said all those things, Eddy." Brett's warm breath grazed Eddy's ear.
"What... Brett, what are you sorry for?", Eddy whispered, a second tear silently drawing a line down his face.
"I shouldn't have suggested you'd want to leave just because of what happened years ago. I should know by now that you want to help me. I'm sorry."
Eddy burried his head deeper into Brett's shoulder and sniffed. "That's the least I deserve after what I did."
"No, Eddy", Brett shook his head slightly, tickling Eddy with his hair, "you showed more than once that you care. And that you won't leave. I shouldn't have doubted you."

How was it possible for Brett to still be this forgiving, still be this gentle to Eddy after what had happened, and after what just went down minutes ago? Eddy returned Brett's hug, a lot tighter than Brett was holding him.
And while they were standing there, taking in each other's presence like life depended on it (and maybe it did), a new string of thoughts came to Eddy's mind.

So he asked, as soon as he got his eyes to stop spilling droplets, "What exactly is it, that you remember?"
Brett let go of him so he could search his gaze.
"What do you mean? I told you, I remember everything."
"I mean, from back then, when I broke contact with you."
"Why are you asking?", Brett frowned, "It's ancient history and I don't think bringing it up will exactly improve our relationship."
"I need to hear what I did to you. From your perspective. What damage I caused."
"Damage? Bro... why?"
Eddy inhaled deeply. "Maybe you telling me will help in some way. It at least will get it off your chest. Seriously, you can throw all the nasty things at me you wanted to back then, I don't mind."
It wasn't really honest. Eddy was pretty sure hearing from Brett how he had hurt him was gonna be tough. However, that was just something he had to live with.

But instead of starting a rant to release all the frustration and anger, pent up over a decade, Brett just stared to the ground for a long, long time. And then, after what felt like hours of nervous waiting for the judge's verdict, so much like only a few nights ago, when he'd told Brett everything he'd done, Brett lifted up his head and simply, very softly said,

"I missed you."

Those eyes looking at Eddy's, filled with a deep sadness, some kind of longing, but most of all, so, so much kindness, they almost knocked Eddy off his feet. There were new tears immediately, quick to replace the almost dried up ones, running down Eddy's cheeks fast.

"I missed you so much", Brett whispered again, his own eyes moist now. "I was worried at first, of course. You never just didn't show without saying anything. And you not answering my texts or calls was very odd. I prayed that nothing happened to you. I went to your house, looked for you and when I noticed the front door unlocked without you or your mum at home, I knew something bad must have gone down. I think I called some of your classmates too, without luck. So I went home again, hoping you'd call."
But I never did, Eddy wanted to say. Yet, he stayed mute, trying hard not to straight out wail again.
"I think my mum told me what happened a day after. She called your mum. And your mum told her what happened and your change of plans, that you wanted to become a doctor after all. I knew then at least, that you were doing okay and why you hadn't come to my place the day before. But I didn't quite get in the beginning why you still kept your distance from me after you and your mum had been home. I went to your house. And then to your school, but you never talked to me again. And that's when it dawned to me that you wanted to cut ties."
"I...", Eddy began shakily, but Brett interrupted him with a small head shake.
"You don't need to apologize. We've been over this, remember?"
Eddy scrunched his eyes shut. Still, there was no stopping the tears. Even now, with Brett remembering all the pain Eddy had caused him, he still chose to hold on to the forgiveness he'd already spoken over Eddy.
"I'm not gonna lie. It hurt like hell. But I wanted to respect your decision. If you wanted to end our friendship, I didn't want to bother you anymore. I kinda guessed it had something to do with your career choice, but there was no way for me to know for sure. Some part of me was scared as fuck it was because of me. That you had somehow started to hate me or something."
"I could never...", Eddy finally managed to stutter more or less audible.
"I know now, Eddy. But I was afraid I had pushed you into something you didn't want, that I forced you to apply for the con and that because of me, your mum had collapsed in the end. And that you maybe blamed me for it, rightfully."
"No!", Eddy half sobbed, half yelled, "No, Brett! It wasn't your fault at all! I wanted to go to the con, you just encouraged me to actually go for it!"
"Well, I thought I brought you nothing but trouble and it was only fair, that you didn't want to speak to me anymore. I told myself it was the best for you..."
Now, there were big drops running down Brett's face too.
"Even though I really did miss you, Eddy!"

It didn't even take Eddy a second to step forward, close the little distance between them and throw his arms around Brett again. And so they stood there once again, crying into each other's shirts, sharing the pain, the sadness and heaviness their friendship had to go through and making each other's hearts lighter in the process, tearing down the walls that might have been built between them throughout the years...

"I missed you too, you know...", Eddy sniffed eventually.
"... Really?"
"A part of me died when I deleted your number. And it killed me everytime I had to ignore you when you were somewhere close by."
Brett's chest quivered.
"I knew it was wrong to leave like that. But I knew when I'd meet and talk to you, I couldn't go through with my plan to NOT become a musician. And I couldn't risk that with my mum..."
"I know, Eddy. I know. I do understand why it happened. I guess...", Brett burried his face deeper into the fabric of Eddy's clothing, soaking it with his tears "that's just life sometimes. It sucks. Shit happenes. And then, you have to do what you have to do and deal with it."
"It doesn't excuse what I did to you, Brett. I am so, so sorry..."
"Enough apologizing, bro. I said, I forgive you."

I forgive you. Those were the greatest, most powerful words Brett could have spoken. The greatest gift Brett could have given Eddy. And Eddy would be forever thankful for that.