Early Bird (Erkençi Kus)(Part 1)

59. You don't have to do this

Can leads Sanem down the steps as she looks at him worriedly, her heart hammering in her chest. Did he figure out the truth? Does he hate me now? Is he going to yell at me where no one can see? She looks over her shoulder, her hand still in his, and then she looks back at him.

Can had a pained expression on his face all the way to the flower hedge where he stops and looks through it at the restaurant up top, making sure they were well hidden before he lets her hand go and then sighs.
Opening his mouth, he plays with the stones in his hand nervously for a minute. He was about to tell her to stop and go be with Osman instead. It's where she should be. Only, he wasn't sure how to do it. 

"Sanem," he finally starts and she looks up at him, "you don't have to keep doing this."

"Doing what?" She frowns.

"You don't have to hold my hand just to please Fabri. If you want, we can end this right now."

"But Mr Can - "

"Sanem, please, just..." He holds up his hand. "I don't care if we keep the contract or not. If you want to, and I mean if you really want to, then stay with me."

Sanem stares up at him. What did he mean by that? Does he not want her around? Or does he? Does she want to be around him? Instead of answering right away, she pushes her hair back and closes her eyes.

Can eyes the ring on her finger, the dagger twisting just a little bit more. He was so tired of feeling these things. One moment he was happy and then he was devastated. It was enough now. She needed to choose Osman if she was going to choose. He had to get his sanity back. He looks down at the grass as her hand falls to her side, then into her eyes that seemed as confused as ever, but even more beautiful.

"If you tell me to leave, I'll leave."

Can blinks as she repeats the words she told him the night Arzu was at his house.

"If you tell me to stay, I'll stay."

She was leaving it up to him to tell her what to do. She had no idea herself what she wanted to do. On one hand she didn't want to leave him, and on the other she knew that it was better that way.

He doesn't say anything, just looks at her. She tries to gage her answer from his eyes but there is none. Her throat constricts and she swallows the lump forming.

Can knows what he wants to say but he can't. He looks at her ring again and then nods up to the restaurant. "Come on, you don't want to keep your fiance waiting." He made the decision for her. He was accepting it.
"It's not fair to him." He frowns and avoids looking at her any more, looking down at his stones instead.

She keeps standing there until he looks up. "Okay," she says in a small voice. It was as good as telling her to leave. She nods. "As you wish."

He keeps his eyes on her as she turns around and walks away, her legs shaking and her inside feeling suddenly very empty.

**

"Ohhh, my legs," Ayhan whines. "Muzo, when you said donkey I thought you were joking," she grumbles on the back of her donkey. He was on the other and they were being led down the dusty mountain pass to the lodge.

"Ayhan, you don't seem to understand the seriousness of the situation. I have to find Sanem so I can hear the truth. It doesn't matter if it's on a plane or an ass, get to her I will." He leans sideways before sitting back up, holding on tight not to fall off. "Come on girl," he coos at the donkey.

"We've been on the road since yesterday Muzo. Minibus to hitchhiking and now this. I'm tired. I'm hungry and thirsty. Why did I listen to you and say I'll come?"