Cherry Blossom

Where Is She?

Lena's POV

I was going to lose my fucking mind. I was patiently waiting for Stef and Frankie this morning at school. I waited and waited, but they never came.

I know Stef was chocked, I know she didn't take the news too well, but I thought the night was going to do the work and calm her down.

I never said once that I was going to take Frankie away from her, I don't want to do that, and even if I wanted that, I can't, legally I have absolutely no right because when I sign the abandonment paper, that was irreversible. It's permanent and I have to live with that now.

But not bringing Frankie to school was low. I get she is not okay after hearing me say all of those things, and maybe she didn't even believe me, but she should know that I'm not a danger for Francesca or something like that. I would never do anything against her, or against Stef. Yet she's just hiding.

That's not going to be like that though. I want to see my daughter, I have to. I miss her so much it hurt, and I need to see her, at least... just.... I don't know, look at her, but I need to see that she's alive, that she's okay for I didn't spend any time with her having the knowledge that she is my daughter, and I need that.

I know maybe Stef can't understand that right now, but that's why we need to talk. She needs to know the whole story. She didn't even let me explain. I never saw this rage on her face, and it scared me, for what if she keeps me away from Frankie...

I also saw that she was scared, and I wanted to reassure her, I wanted to, but she didn't let me. She didn't listen at all, she just ran away, even though I was begging her to give me chance to know my daughter.

I think maybe Stef needed more than one night to process this whole story. After all, it took me a month to be able to calm down. But that wasn't the same situation. I didn't see my baby for five years, but Frankie was with her the whole time so...

I should go see her. She had all day to think about the situation, and I'm craving just a glance at my daughter. Besides I need to talk to Stef, let her know that I didn't abandoned Frankie because I didn't care. She needs to know that I'm not what she imagined her baby's birth mother could be... she really, really needs to know all this.

So that's what I did. When school was finished and that every kid left the building, I jumped into my car, and drive to Stef's apartment. I got out and walked to her door. I took a very deep breath and then I knock...

No respond. So I knock again. And again. And again....

My anxiety was getting the best of me and at one point I was banging on the door, screaming for Stef even though I was realizing that she wasn't there. No one was there. She took my baby away.

I was breathing heavily, panicking and not really knowing what to do because I have no right at all over Frankie, so I can't do a damn thing.

I started to call Stef, over and over, with no respond at all. I even left a few messages, trying to be as diplomate as I could, trying to sound very calm because I don't want to come off hostile for, I'm just so scared to lose my baby again, I'm terrified...

Then I remembered that Stef's emergency contact at school was her mother. So I went back to school to get through the files. It was messy, I probably mixed up the other files in the process, but right now I didn't care, I needed to know where my daughter was. For this couldn't be happening to me a second time. That wasn't happening, I won't survive this a second time.

So I found Sharon's phone number, but then I saw her address was there as well, and I didn't hesitated a second. I jumped back in my car and went to her place. It was maybe inappropriate, but I needed to know. I couldn't stand not knowing the things that concern my child anymore.

So I went and knock on her house's door. I tried to be collected, and not showing in what state I was in, even though I was losing my mind right now.

"Oh... hello, Lena." Sharon said opening the door, and just with the look on her face, I knew that Stef must have told her what happened.

"Hello Sharon, I'm sorry to bother you, but is Stef here?" I asked, trying not to cry and keep my calm.

"She... no darling. She's not here." she said, looking at me with... compassion. Thing that Stef didn't had in her eyes when I told her.

"Frankie?" I asked, my voice starting to break at this point for I don't know where else to find them if they're not here and Stef is Sharon's daughter, so she wasn't going to tell me that's for sure.

"I'm sorry Lena, they are not here." she said as I gasped because my heart instantly felt like it was going to stop.

"Where are they Sharon? Please, I need to know where they are, please help me..." I begged, tears rushing down my face, as I was breaking down completely for what am I going to do now?

"Come inside Lena. Come. I'll get you something to drink. It's okay." she said, putting her arm around my shoulders and getting me inside as I was crying my eyes out for I was so tired. I just wanted to see my baby grow and be there for her and it seems like the universe is telling me to get fuck myself and that I'll never be able to be here for my daughter.

Sharon sat me on her couch and went into the kitchen to get me some tea as I tried to calm down a bit.

"Here you go. It's green tea, it would ease your nerves a bit, honey." She said, as I took the cup from her with my shaking hands. I took a sip and looked at her.

"Do you know where they are?" I asked still a bit shaken up.

"I'm sorry. I don't know Lena. Stef didn't tell me. She just packed their things, told me what happened yesterday and left...she..."

"But why did she do this? She can't do this, it's not fair!" I said getting emotional all over again.

"I know, but baby... you have to put yourself in her shoes for a minute, she's scared. That child is her whole life, she..."

"But she's my whole life too. I never said that I wanted to take Frankie away from her, I will never do that!" I explained for I don't think Stef thought about my situation at all.

"I'm sure honey... I... Stef will come around. I'm sure she will, I know her. She's not a bad person, I think you noticed that. She's just very protective of Frankie. But she will come back, I know it." Sharon tried to reassure. And I know deep inside that she's right. Stef is a good person, I fell in love with her after all, I know she's kind and that she loves Frankie more than anything, I know that.

"But when? I lost five years already Sharon, when will I get a chance to see my child grow?" I said, my tears falling again.

"I don't know that honey... but why don't you tell me a bit about what happened. Maybe I can convince Stef to come back once she's done thinking. I'm sure she just needs time to process. Stef can't think under stress regarding to Frankie, she panics. I'm sure that's what happened when you told her, she just panicked and got impulsive just like her father was... in the meantime, tell me what happened to you sweetheart, tell me what you want me to tell Stef when she'll call me, I promise I will tell her, okay?" Sharon offered as for some reason I was trusting her even though trusting wasn't really my thing anymore, but what other choice do I have?

"Okay... okay. Well, just tell her that I'm not here to take Frankie away from her, she is her mother, I will never contest that, and I'm actually very grateful that Frankie had the chance to have her as her mom. Also... tell her that I didn't abandoned Frankie on purpose... I was seventeen, I was... I... I didn't want to give her away. My mother forced me, and then other things happened that I want to tell her myself, but please make sure that she knows that I'm not her enemy. I just want to see my baby..." I said breaking down once again as Sharon's eyes became glassy, and she came sit beside me and take me into her arms.

"I'll tell her darling, I will. Don't worry, it's gonna be okay. You two will work this out together. You just have to be a little patient... just a little and I promise she will come back soon, and you'll see your baby Lena. You will."