El Grande Series 2: Theodore Granville|✔

CHAPTER 37

Chapter 37

Theodore Pov

Matapos kong mabasa iyong isang article tungkol sa LaurenZ clothing line. Hindi na ako mapakali roon. Hinanap ko kung sino si Laurenz Kail Zahl, ang may-ari no'ng clothing line kaso wala naman akong mahanap na larawan ng owner. It was said that the owner kept his identity private. May iba ngang nakakakuha ng larawan kaso hindi naman iyon malinaw.

My plan to unwind and relax was forfeited when i decided to stop in Singapore after how many days on the ship—Singapore was the first stop of the ship, kaya doon na ako tumigil. I decided to go back to the Philippines and find out more about LaurenZ and its owner.  
 

Pero bago ako bumalik sa Pilipinas ay dumaan ang tour bus na sinasakyan ko sa One Fullerton. Ayaw ko sanang lumabas ng bus at magpahinga na lang kaso ako lang ang naiwan sa loob ng bus.

Napilitan akong lumabas at maglakad-lakad sa lugar. Wala akong dalang map kay naman naglakad-lakad lang ako kung saan ako dalhin ng paa ko. Matagal pa rin naman kasi bago umalis ang bus. I could rent a car or ride in a private taxi. Pero mas pinili kong magbus pakiramdam ko kasi ang lungkot kapag mag-isa ka lang.

Isa sa mga napagtanto ko sa paglalakbay kong ito na ang lungkot pala talaga ng buhay ko sa mga nakalipas na taon. Napuno ako ng pagsisisi. Nalunod ko ang sarili ko sa kalungkutan. I have err...family, friends, and cousins, but I feel alone. There are people around me to keep me company, but no one really understands me. No one knows what my struggles were. No one has known my pain all these years. 
 
I was able to kid around, act like a fool, and make someone laugh; however, I cannot make myself happy. I was striving to live all those years full of regret. If only... if only I was mature enough. If only I were brave enough. If only I had been a man to Laurenz before. I won't feel this kind of misery and regret. Kung may nagawa lang sana ako noon.

Sa paglalakad ko sa lugar ay napadpad ako sa Merlion Park. Maraming mga turista, maraming kumukuha ng larawan, at ang iba pa nga ay nakikita kong nagb-bidyo.

Malimit akong napangiti at napailing na lang ako. Tumalikod ako nang may makita akong mga... couples na masaya. How I wish I was able to take Laurenz before in different countries. How I wish we could make more memories and pictures together.

Parang may kung anong sumipa sa puso ko nang makita ko kung sino ang taong nasa harapan ko. My feet glued in the ground. Parang nawala ang mga ingay at mga tao sa palagid. Tanging naririnig ko na lang ngayon ay ang puso ko na nagwawala. At parang umaabot na ang pintig ng puso ko sa lalamunan ko. Tila naririnig ko na ang bawat hampas ng puso sa aking tainga.

"L-laurenz?"

Kung gulat akong nakita siya, ganoon din siya. Umawang ang labi niya na parang may sasabihin kaso walang lumabas na tunog do'n.

I badly want to hug him and make him feel how much I long for him. And how much I miss having him with me.  
 
I took the first step toward him. I almost lifted my hands to confirm if he was really true or if this was just one of my dreams. I've dreamed of him thousands of times, and I'm afraid that this is just one of them. Naiiyak at natutuwa ako at the same time. Goddammit! After how many years, ngayon pa talaga kami nagkita. Sa panahong gusto ko na siyang sukuan ay saka pa kami magkikita. Fate really fuck me up! Ayaw ata akong maka-move on.

Hindi rin siya magalaw at tanging pagkuyom lang sa kamao niya ang nagawa. Just like the first time I saw him in San Concepcion, I am always mesmerized by his angelic and stunning face. He has matured over time and his beauty has only intensified. I can clearly see from the way he stands before me that he is thriving and living a fulfilled life.