KOTLC After Stellarlune-A Sokeefe Story

Head vs Heart

"Sophie! Sophie, please, please wake up." It took a while for Sophie to realize that she was in bed, that she must have been dreaming, and that Keefe was trying desperately to wake her. Finally, she realized she had been thrashing around and managed to stop. She was panting for breath and drenched in sweat even after she became still.

But she was now sobbing uncontrollably. Dream and reality had become muddled and she didn't know what was true and what wasn't. She was gasping, needing oxygen but felt like she was getting none. She couldn't see straight.

"Sophie?" Keefe's voice sounded oddly distant. "Sophie, love, if you can hear me--turn on your enhancing. Can you do that for me?" Gentle hands brushed her hair off her face before reaching for her own hands.

Somehow, she managed to reach inside herself and turn on her enhancing ability. She dimly heard Keefe's sigh of relief, and immediately green and blue breezes filled her mind. The effect was immediate comfort. Eventually, her tears slowed and her breathing returned to normal.

And thankfully, Keefe's face came into sharp focus at last. Deeply concerned, but there. Still there with her. After a few minutes, she managed to turn off her enhancing and he let go of her hands, reaching up to stroke her cheek.

"What happened, Sophie? It's like a nightmare turned into a full-on panic attack, but you still weren't even awake. I was about to hail Elwin; I couldn't wake you."

A few more tears leaked out. "You...love me?" she asked.

Keefe's eyes furrowed in concern. "You know I do."

"Please," she whispered, tears still slipping out. "Please tell me you still love me."

Keefe looked utterly bewildered. "Sophie. I love you. Why do you doubt it?"

She slowly shook her head. "In my dream, you...you left me."

"You mean I left again?"

"Not the Lost Cities. Just me. You left me. You hated me."

Keefe looked pained by that. "Sophie." He ducked his head down and kissed her. "Sophie. I love you. Many times I thought you would wind up hating me and you always assured me you never could. And now I'll tell you the same thing: I could never hate you. More than that...I could never stop loving you."

Sophie closed her eyes, letting that sink in.

"Is this about my mom?"

She nodded.

Keefe shook his head, slightly angry. "Even in Exile, she's still finding a way to screw things up. Sophie, look at me--her memory break doesn't matter. You are all that matters. I hate bringing up all these memories I thought were behind us, but that's my only reason for being frustrated about the memory break. But I can't have you panicking like this. I love you. I won't leave you. I promised you after Elysian, and again after your nightmare about my planting. I'm not going anywhere."

"I tried all evening to tell myself all of that," Sophie admitted. "And you were showing me how much you love me. But I couldn't shake this awful feeling that you'll resent me. And then my nightmare twisted it and made it so much worse."

Keefe frowned. "I knew you felt off, but that's understandable given the situation. You should've told me what you were worried about. I would never hold this against you and it will not affect my feelings for you at all." He pulled her against his chest and was quiet for a minute. "You seem to be calming down. Are you feeling better?"

"A little."

He kissed the top of her head. "Sophie, do you remember that day in Lumenaria, before we found Forkle and Oralie, and I felt your enhancing for the first time?"

She nodded, smiling slightly at the memory of his grin.

"Well, I've already explained to you it was because I felt definitive proof of your feelings for me. But maybe I can explain it a little more. You also remember how empaths can read head emotions, but not heart emotions? And how I told you your enhancing gives me access to your heart emotions?" When she nodded again, he continued. "I knew, that day, that despite everything, I still had a chance."

"Thats what you saw when you got access to my heart emotions?" Sophie sat up to look at him while he spoke—though she continued to cling tightly to him.

"Yes, it is," he murmured, sitting up, angling himself toward her and reaching out to wipe the last few tears off her cheeks. "Fitz was in your head. Well, not just that. I don't mean to discount your feelings for him at the time, because they were strong. He wasn't just in your head—he filled your head. I knew that already and it was an awful truth, since your emotions would only sometimes flicker to life like that for me. But then..." he smiled. "I learned that day that Fitz may have filled your head, but I was in your heart. So I held on and I made it my mission to make your head see what your heart already knew. Sometimes people try to say that the heart doesn't know what it wants. But I think it's more accurate to say that the head doesn't always understand what the heart wants. I didn't know if you'd ever make the connection, but knowing I was in your heart kept me going. Because Sophie, for me—even back then—it was all you. You filled my head and my heart. You still do. And you always will. Please, please, never doubt again."

And Sophie believed him. "I love you so much, Keefe."

He grinned. "I know, I can feel that. I love you too." He pulled her in for a kiss. "So, you feel better?" he asked.

"You tell me," Sophie said with a small smile, taking his hand and placing it over her heart.

Keefe closed his eyes in concentration. Then he smiled. "Almost completely," he said.

"You owe me, you know," Sophie pointed out suddenly.

"Owe you for what?"

"For not waking me up early enough this morning...or is it yesterday morning?"

Keefe smiled, looking hopeful. "I didn't think you wanted to when we went to bed, so I didn't. But now...?" He looked at her, one eyebrow raised, waiting to be sure.

Sophie's smile faded slightly as she whispered "I just...I need you." She needed solace.

And then, he was kissing her, with all of their frustration, fear and anxiety laid bare between them. "I need you too," he whispered roughly. It had been a difficult day for both of them.

His voice was rough, but he was not. In fact, he was gentle and sweet and tender as he guided her back down on to the bed. His constant whispers of "I love you" helped wash away the vulnerability she felt after her nightmare. She knew that he was aware she needed the reminder more than usual tonight.

And once again, she was grateful.