KOTLC After Stellarlune-A Sokeefe Story

Worthless

"What does it say?"

Keefe read the message to himself, his expression blank, impassive, even distant. Then he wordlessly handed the Imparter to Sophie and sank onto the couch, head in his hands.

Sophie looked at the screen. It read:

'Keefe—Congratulations again. I can see that you will be a good father. Better than I ever was. I hope to be a better grandpa than I was a father. For what it's worth, I'm sorry. You deserved better.'

Keefe must've felt Sophie's mood shift, but didn't say anything or even move. So Sophie sat down next to him on the couch and put an arm around him. After a moment, he straightened up to look at her.

"He's never apologized to me, not ever. Never even acknowledged that he wasn't a good dad." He took a shaky breath. "Why wouldn't he have said that while he was here?"

Sophie thought for a moment. "Maybe that was too hard. Admitting his failure and apologizing had to be hard even in a message. But maybe eventually, you and your dad could talk things through, clear the air. When you're both ready."

Keefe nodded. "I don't think I'm ready for that. But I can at least send him a response." He reached out and stroked her cheek. "Then I want to focus on you for a while."

He took his Imparter back from her and spent the next few minutes formulating a response. He had Sophie look it over before sending it:

'Thank you. For the compliment and the apology. It's hard, but I'm trying to forgive. Maybe someday we can work through that together. In the meantime, as long as you keep doing better for our little girl, we would love for you to be part of her life.'

"That's perfect," Sophie told him. So he sent the message and then without a word, pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

Sophie wasn't sure if this was because he'd already said he wanted to focus on her, or if it was just a base need after all the emotions he'd experienced that morning, but either way, she held him a little tighter and just enjoyed the intimacy of the moment.

After a few minutes, Keefe pulled back to look at her. "How long has Emma been asleep?"

"Not even quite an hour yet, why?"

He smiled. "Because I want to dance with you."

He found a music channel on their TV and pulled Sophie up off the couch and into his arms, dancing slowly around the living room.

"I told you at our wedding I wanted to dance more often, and we haven't done it very much," Keefe murmured in her ear. "What is it about dancing that makes the act of holding you feel even more idyllic than usual?"

Sophie smiled. "It's probably the music. Music has a way of heightening and even inducing emotions. Why do you think movies have soundtracks? They rely a lot on the music to guide the audience's emotions in the way the directors want."

"Oh, that does make sense. I do always say that music is one thing the humans seem to have gotten right."

Sophie sighed, content. "You're right though. We should do this more often." She tilted her chin up and kissed him. "You know, most girls would be incredibly jealous of me for getting to spend eternity with you."

"Can you blame them?" Keefe said with a smirk. "Not every guy looks this good. Some guys have icky brown hair like Fitzy, or weird self-inflicted silver bangs like Tammy Boy."

Sophie rolled her eyes. "Okay obviously that's part of it. Pretty sure you have that effect on all the girls--even I couldn't deny it even when I was denying my deeper feelings for you. But that's not exactly what I meant. I actually meant that you say the sort of romantic things that Hollywood tries to dream up, that most guys don't actually say."

"Well for one thing," Keefe said, still smirking, "those guys aren't married to Sophie Foster. Sophie Sencen," he added, squeezing her waist gently. "And for another thing, not everyone can be this smooth."

To further prove his point, he ducked his head down and whispered, "I love you, Sophie Sencen," before kissing her again.

But eventually, they knew they needed to stop dancing if they were going to eat lunch before Emma woke up again. And while they prepped food in the kitchen, Keefe turned thoughtful again. He hardly spoke while they ate, only opening up as they finished their meal and returned to the couch.

"You know, I've been wrestling with some thoughts for a while. I have felt like...like yeah, I have all these abilities thanks to what my mom did to me. And there's nothing special about that, because there's nothing inherently me about them. And at first, I really used to take pride in how strong my empathy was--even stronger than my dad's. And even his empathy is considered particularly strong."

"Are you saying you don't take pride in being a powerful empath anymore?"

"Why should I? The more I think of it, the more I realize that even that was manipulated and manufactured by my mom. I bet when she and my dad drank those vials before conceiving me, that was what caused my empathy to be more powerful when I manifested. It's nothing to do with me."

Sophie wasn't buying it. Maybe that was true, but it wasn't the whole story. "Okay, but only you could have worked as hard as you did to gain control of your empathy, learning to use it and interpret what you've learned. It's like Terik's Descrying ability. He can see potential, but that doesn't mean people live up to it. You may have been aided in being given the raw talent, but you still had to do something about it."

"I guess. I just...I have felt so worthless my entire life. My parents made me feel that way. And then Alden and Della made me feel like I might be worth something for the first time. And hanging out with Fitz, and becoming friends with you, and seeing how much you cared about me--even before you realized you were in love with me--and having friends that cared and even relied on me--finally I started to feel like I was worthwhile."

Sophie reached over, grabbing Keefe's face in her hands. "I'm glad we've helped you feel more worthwhile," she told him. "But listen. That's not on us. Not on Alden, or Della, or Fitz, or me, or the Black Swan. We didn't make you worthwhile. We didn't make you special or smart or kind or important. We just saw those things in you and relied on them. You aren't defined by anyone. Not by the way your parents made you feel worthless or the way we made you feel important. You are incredible because of who you chose to be."

One single tear slid down Keefe's cheek. Sophie wiped it off with her finger.

"Thank you for that," he whispered. "Being married to you, and now having that sweet little girl sleeping in the other room--that makes me feel like everything else was worth it."

He leaned in to kiss her, hands tightly gripping her waist. The kiss was sweet at first, but slowly grew more potent. Sophie was just contemplating relocating to their bedroom when they heard the unmistakable sounds of Emma waking up.

Keefe pulled back immediately, smiling ruefully at her. "I guess that's part of being parents now," he muttered, standing up and reaching for Sophie's hand. "We have more responsibilities to balance."

Sophie grinned. "Thankfully, newborns sleep a lot."