KOTLC After Stellarlune-A Sokeefe Story

Better

"Are you better this morning?" Keefe asked softly.

They had woken up at almost the same time, and neither had been willing to move right away.

The strange, empty chasm Sophie had initially imagined between her and Keefe when they went to bed had mercifully disappeared.

If anything, after the vulnerable and tender way they'd come together last night, she felt closer to him than ever before.

"Much better. I'm still not looking forward to this, but I'm not in a blind panic anymore either." She reached for Keefe's hand—still unwilling to move any more than that—and kissed it. "You gave me strength. And the reassurance I needed."

Keefe pulled her in closer. "I still can't believe how crazy that was last night. I didn't think I'd ever wake you. Even after the encounter you had with Umber, when I tried to wake you, you heard me and tried to come back. When I felt how frightened you were, I told you to stay asleep. But this...you couldn't hear me."

"Eventually I did. And for about the millionth time, your mental breezes brought me back to myself."

Keefe rolled over until he could look at her face. "And you remember everything I told you last night?" He kept an arm draped over her waist and planted his hand firmly against the small of her back, still wanting to hold her close.

Sophie smiled. "I know you love me. I never doubted it, not really. The trauma from all those Neverseen fights just resurfaced with this news, and trauma does funny things to us."

"Like give you crazy awful ideas about how I could possibly ever stop loving you?"

"Apparently. I feel bad though. This is your mom we're dealing with, and I was the one freaking out and panicking and needing to be comforted. I should've just been worried about you."

Keefe took her hand. "You're the one they're asking to do something major. And I hadn't really processed it at first, not for myself. Not when I saw how badly it was affecting you. I was more worried about that. Well, and then last night..." he hesitated.

"Last night?" Sophie could tell he wasn't sure if he should continue.

"Well...I don't know that it's fair of me to say this. I don't blame you at all for the nightmare, you couldn't control that. But the nightmare stemmed from the fears you were already fighting—ones that you didn't share with me. It hurt a little, at first, to learn that you even thought this could possibly change the way I feel about you. I thought you knew how deeply I love you. But then, I have left before—twice—so I guess I have no right to be hurt by you fearing it again. Plus you said, yesterday, that you knew you were being irrational. And then like you just said, you never really doubted it, it was just stress and fear and trauma talking."

She hated knowing he'd felt hurt, even if it has been short lived. "Keefe...I'm sorry. The only reason I didn't tell you was because I knew it was a ridiculous thought. You waited for me for ages, for years. No way would you walk away over this. I knew that to be true but couldn't get my thoughts or emotions to cooperate."

He smiled sweetly at her. "I understand that. But listen, Sophie...next time, just tell me. I thought you were worried about facing my mom, or worried I'd be angry that it was being done. I had no idea that you were worried about me harboring resentment for you over it and it hurting our marriage. I probably would've handled things differently if I'd known."

"You were being wonderful about it. So strong and kind and encouraging. I don't think there's anything else you could have done. But I promise, next time I'll tell you, no matter how stupid my fears are."

"Good. I'm supposed to bear that burden with you." He leaned over and kissed her, hand slowly caressing her back.

After a moment, Sophie pulled back, smiling at him.

"You amaze me, Keefe. You're so strong, so sure. You have been through horrible things, and at the hands of someone who should've loved you and protected you. I still get chills when I think of what your mom did to you, and how brave you were. How are you not having nightmares?"

"I had a lot after it happened. Especially when I was in the Forbidden Cities. That was...a very dark time for me. I was traumatized and I missed you--all of you, but especially you--and I had no one. But I felt so sure I was doing the right thing, so I stayed away. Once I came home, the relief of not having to deal alone helped a lot. And then that evening in the clearing...you spoke the words I'd waited so long to hear. And I have watched you deal with some serious trauma, and keep going, keep fighting. I knew I could emulate that bravery that you had modeled for me. I knew being with you would give me strength, and so it has."

"I give you strength?" Sophie asked, shocked. "Keefe, you have always been strong. The most steady, sure, capable person I know."

"I think that's how it's supposed to be," Keefe told her. "We both see and admire each other's good qualities."

Sophie smiled and leaned in to kiss him. "Are you going to your sessions today, or are you going to go with me and Fitz to talk with Tiergan?"

"I'm going with you. I have a feeling you might need me extra close for a while after last night. But also, I want to make absolutely sure that the Council knows that all three of us will be at my mom's memory break, or none of us will be. Plus I have a feeling they'll want to do the memory break as soon as possible. This way they can't try to do it without me. I'll already be with you guys."

Sophie breathed a sigh of relief. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Sophie Sencen. Don't ever forget it." His hand slowly moved from her back to her hip, using it to gently push backwards, moving her from her side to her back. He moved over her, kissing along her neck, down tantalizingly beneath the collarbone, and back up.

"You're going to make us late," Sophie whispered, though she couldn't quite make herself care as a soft moan escaped her lips.

He straightened up and kissed her, hard, before answering "completely worth it."