Dear little brother...

Chapter 4 - Hero

"Sunny?!" I think out loud. Aubrey's expression falls and I see her pupils shrink, she bolts off in the same direction as Kel. I'm frightened, disgusted even. I hesitate to move and am pondering on what I should do. I end up bolting down the hall, running to the nearest elevator. Rushing to the button immediately. Shit, the elevator is in no rush whatsoever. The the lift finally gets here, I run in and come to an immediate stop, pushing the button as soon as possible.

The way down seems like forever, my mind is racing. I get hazy and nauseous. I think about Mari and all of the torn memories. I was so disappointed in myself for not keeping the group together in my current status, but this time I can't run from it. I begin to sweat profusely. Why.. why?!

Oh, Mari..  I'm just so sorry. It happened again.. I'm sorry that I couldn't respect your wishes well enough, I'm just so sorry. I know that Sunny was everything to you. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you, and I'm sorry that I was too selfish to help Sunny... or any of my friends. I let them down with my ignorance as self loathing. Mari, wherever you are just know that I won't end up there, I will always let you down, Mari. It's still impossible for me to imagine life without you, but I know that yours is better off without me.

Arriving at the entrance to the hospital, I rush past what seems to be millions of men. Why was I so late? I push through the crowd. Aubrey and Kel stand there. Oh no, what about Basil. Memories flood my brain as I begin to remember. Basil.. you cared for Sunny so deeply. I dont think that I can confront him about this later. I recall my promise, "Last time, we made the mistake of leaving eachother. This time, we won't make that mistake again." I run up to Aubrey and Kel, trying not to focus on Sunny. "Everything is going to be okay," I call out to seemingly nothing.

No
No it won't be

I stare down at Sunny. Its all my fault, Its all my fault, Its all my fault, Its all my fault. His head is split open on the concrete. He is completely splattered on the ground, his flesh is combined with the concrete. No... Sunny. I should've been there.. I never payed close attention to him, he is so quite. I thought that I had it bad but he lost everything. His father, his friends, his sister and he will be moving away in a few days. He was so secluded but.. its my fault. Why do I keep messing this up? And.. poor Basil. Why would they fight, and why couldn't I stop it? I will never hear from Sunny again.. and I'm sorry

I am taken out of my trance when I hear Aubrey make a faint noise and collapse onto the ground. I think instantly and carry her back to the car. Kel doesn't catch on, he stares at Sunny's face; bloody and devoid of soul. In a fit of rage and bargaining, he tries to level with the nurses. They decline, and I watch as Kel gets drained of emotion. "Kel, c'mon!" I yell out to him. He stares at me, turns away, and begins to argue with the paramedics. I run up to Kel and grab him by the arm, but im not much more ardent in this situation than him. I take him back to the car. He looks so full of nothing. I know Kel, he cannot properly process his emotions... I dont know how he'll deal with it this time- I dont know how any of us will deal with it this time.

I look back at Aubrey, beads of sweat are dripping down her face. I know that she will have to deal with this later, but its would be nice to be exempt from this situation, even if it's short lived. I wonder if the hooligans can really help her this time. Last time, such hellish sights were limited to her child brain. This time, I dont even want to think about it. She's completely wiped out in the back, so I crank up the air conditioning. Please get well, Aubrey..

I pull up next to Aubrey's house. Her other friends all waiting there for her. Kim rambles at me, something about Aubrey. She blurts out: "what did you guys even do to her?!" After hearing her question, my brain switches to 'defending statement mode'

"Well..
"Sunny..." Kim rolls her eyes.
"He.. jumped of the roof of the hospital..."

That statement most definitely surprised her, that "nerd" kid she saw and fought those days ago, was long gone. She just looked wide-eyed, and then glanced at Kel, making a slightly concerned but still decently snarky response. I broke the silence, "Now that I think about it, maybe we should take her to me and Kel's house, we have to let her rest before she gets heatstroke, and it's best if I cook for her. You can come, too.. If you want. But you'll have to walk." After a brief period of looking amongst themselves that obliged. Aubrey must have told them something about my cooking, heh. Or.. they just assumed, it doesn't really matter though. All that I need is to let Aubrey rest safely. So, I drove over to me and Kel's house, parking in the driveway to carry Aubrey in. The hooligans trailing close behind. I look back at Kel, he is staring at the pavement, teary eyed... Uh oh.

I layed Aubrey down on the couch, fluffing up a pillow and setting up the blanket from the guest room. comfortably. I open the window, hopefully this will help. I look at the couch, satisfied. Kel is already upstairs, but I barely noticed. The hooligans walk in, expecting food, of course... but I haven't even started. They all hang their coats up. I grab some chairs from around the table. I will have to make this quick, because I have to go back to the hospital soon. I preheat the stove while I get the burger patties from the freezer, letting the thaw out a little. I put two pans on the cooktop, allowing them to warm up on medium high heat. I grab some lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, ketchup and buns. My parents bought this stuff in preparation of me coming home from college, its a little bit funny but I'm not in the mood to laugh. I let the patties cook after placing them. I asked if they wanted cheese, Vance said yes and Kim said yes on behalf of Aubrey. Okay... cool. I place the patties on a plate after they thoroughly cook. I keep the other ingredients out and I ask for them to not ravage and leave at least one left, I can only really trust them and I hope that they understand what I have to do. I can't really sulk right now, my only incentive is to help others before I succumb to my sadness, I try not to think about it. I hop into the car, starting the engine and I get going.

I look through the side mirrors.. I see the house of Sunny's mother.
I see the fence

No, no..
Not now...
I can see her swaying silhouette picture perfect. Even in all of the clarity, I can't remember the reactions of all the others.. that day. Sunny, he must have been horrified beyond belief.

Why did I do it?
Why?
WHY?

"Focus on the road ahead, Hero!"
I hear a familiar voice call out.
"The key to driving is your love for others"
I can't remember where this familiar... thing.. is from. "Driving license" I remembered that faint bit of memory. It was from a hot summer day such as today, I was going to take Drivers ED for the first time- Mari, her constructive words comforted me, she always found a way to build everybody up. And I can't repay her now. Its almost shameful..

I arrive at the hospital. There is police tape and some detectives at the seen, conducting a report. I feel a lump form in my throat, but I must keep going. The wind is blowing now, and the sun peaks out from behind the clouds again. I feel seen, I know that Sunny and Mari would only want us to be happy, the lump in my throat disappears and is replaced with a bittersweet piano waltz. I walk through the front door, my ears ring remembering earlier, but I can't stop now. I walk up to the reception desk, "here for room 202, visitor status." I just want to make it known that I'm of no harm, maybe I'm a bit paranoid. She looks at me and tells me the floor number. Floor 12, that.. really is high up. I take the elevator, this time I feel more at peace. I... will tell Basil everything, and it won't be easy. In my head I ode to help all of my friends, they all need support, I can not- I will not let this happen again. I feel at ease and I walk out the elevator, opening the knob to Basil's door.

Here goes nothing.