Dear little brother...

Chapter 15 - Stray

;Aubrey's POV;

I hear the door click behind me as I leave Basil's room. The hallway being illuminated by the fresh evening light that accompanies me through my journey back to my room. The hallway stretches far beyond my vision, looking somewhat blurry because of its obvious glare. In my heart, I feel melancholy and almost psychopathic, too selfish to do anything and aching for the pain to end. But in the back of my mind, a bittersweet melody plays to aid me from my sadistic nature. A restart would be what I'm looking for. But everyone still lives in the back of my mind. I keep trying to escape this life I am forever chained to, I still feel entwined with my old friends no matter where I go.

Those people, look at all of them. None of them even being remotely close to knowing me. Life goes on, yet I can't. Those everyday words haunt my heart. Sometimes it feels like nothing ever happened at all, these past four years were just a hallucination. It's almost like any one of these days I will wake up from my deep coma, going back to see my friends, all of them happy. Seemingly better without me, though. I mean, maybe I will always be the angry, spiteful moron that left my friends when they needed me most. Maybe I will always be incapable. I'll try to help, this time. But I've already failed. It's just the three if us now, nothing comes easy. I wince at the thought of work, tired. I need some time to think this over.

Pressing the button, the elevator doors open. Allowing me to enter and exit. The sound of the elevator is all that plays in my empty head, my eyes feeling heavier by the moment. The elevator makes a slight bobble before opening the shaft. I mindlessly walk down the hallway, IV bag in hand. I feel numb and cold. Arriving at the door, I twist the nob and feel uneasy. I set my IV bag next to me and grasp my blankets. Blankets in hand, I place my knee on the mattress. A wave of curiosity sweeps over me. Moonlight shines through the dark room, and I feel that there is more that I have to fulfill. I rip the IV bag out and watch the tinge of blood appear as a dot on my arm.

The brisk hallway air hits my skin, having not eaten today, I still feel quite empty. But I don't have the interest in eating. I take a small detour. The waiting room and lounge area look the same as they do on any other floor. Nobody is our here, spare a few nurses here and there but they seem to vanish in the blink of an eye and don't return.

An elevator. Where would you like to go?

Up <

Up

There is only one way.

I make my way up to floor 12, and am met with a lifetime of memories coming back to haunt me. Familiar cries haunt my ears. The same cries that I shut out on that day, caught up by myself. This feverish nightmare seems to become worse and worse by the day. To the point that, maybe, the escape lies here. Stepping out of the elevator, I look down the hallway ahead. Even if it was just last week, it feels like forever ago. I was a completely different person then. Ignorant to the world around me. I make the way down the hallway. The more I stray, the more whispers I hear. I find myself at the same corridor I sprinted down, knowing nothing could be done. I'm caught off guard by something hitting my collarbone, I've been crying this whole time... I look at my hands, speculating fate. Before I know it; as if not even in control- I find myself at the glass door leading to the top of the building. Stretching out a hand, I lean towards the door, wanting a second chance. I can make everything better if I try. I twist the knob like I did earlier and use my force to open the tightly-suctioned door, leading to my demise.

The night air hits my tanned skin, and a feeling of almost false clarity sweeps over me. A bit of adrenaline. A rush, a race! It's the best I have felt all of these days. Taking the cheap way out might as well do wonders. I run up to the edge, the moonlight hitting my cheek. At peace. The concrete on my slippers has a grit and satisfying sound like no other. Overloaded, I'm finally at the ledge. I look down and!..

...

Breathe in. Breathe out.

It's the end, for all I know.

I become paralyzed by fear. I just can't bring myself closer to the ledge. This... this is it, right? My terrible everyday, my inability, my temper... nobody would even notice, correct? I mean, I only have to do this once, and I won't even get to see the aftermath. Nobody would even care, really.

Yet I feel so drawn to the edge. An uncaught, cutthroat-killer. A case that can be closed as soon as I stop feeling. I don't remember their smiles, but I can't seem to get my feet back on the ground. The ground pulling me closer like a magnet.

Wind rushes around me, goodnight.