The Man (A Seth Rollins Story) (Reupload)

Chapter 18- Can I be Happy? (Marci's POV)

"So, what is the matter?"

I sat down at a local coffee shop in town across from Trina. I couldn't believe she actually agreed to sit down with me.

"There is a guy."

"There is always a guy. Look, I'll make it simple. Don't get involved. You'll be much happier."

"See, that's the thing. I don't think I will be."

She sighed. "What is the guy's name?"

"Colby."

"What is he like?"

"He's a jerk."

"And you like him?"

"Well...he used to be a jerk but lately, he's been different. He has been sweet and caring. We like the same things and part of me wants to be around him. It's weird. I shouldn't like him. I haven't liked him at all for the past several months but it's different now. Is that weird?"

She tried not to smile. "You like him."

"No. I don't."

"You do. It's written all over your face. I have never seen you smile like that."

I touched my lips. She was right. I was smiling. Did I like Colby?

"No, I can't."

"Why? Why can't you let yourself be happy for once? Because of me and how a guy destroyed me? Because of your brothers? Let me tell you something. What does it matter to you? What does it matter to you that I let Zack ruin me? What does it matter to you that your brothers are screw ups? Yeah, I let Zack leaving hurt me. I let me dropping out of school hurt me. I let my parents kicking me out hurt me. But I'm ok now. I'm happy. I'm going back to school. And guess what, I'm not broken. I'm happy. Your brothers are happy. They may have messed up over and over again but guess what, they aren't broken. I've seen them. They're happy. Our lives and what we do aren't your problem. For once, could you worry about yourself? Yeah, I remember the stares and the judgement you got in school. I remember how against dating you were because you thought a guy would be 'too much of a distraction'. I also know you gave up horse back riding because that was a distraction. Did you ever stop to think that maybe those distractions are what you needed? You worked yourself to the bone trying to get approval from everyone. But guess what? School is over. It has been over for several years, Marci. It's time for you to start living and stop trying to please everyone for a change. You can go ahead and just continue to be a people pleaser. Or, you can try and be happy for a change."

"What if he hurts me? What if I go through with it and he breaks my heart? And it ruins everything I've ever worked for? I'm supposed to start my wrestling career in the next few weeks. Do I really want to risk all of that over a guy who possibly couldn't care any less about me?"

"You can live your whole life playing it safe and getting your wrestling career. You'll win championships and be successful. Maybe then you'll finally feel like you accomplished what you wanted. Or maybe you won't. Maybe you'll still feel like you haven't achieved your goal and you'll work even harder. Or maybe you can just not care about everyone else's approval and worry about your own. Worry about your happiness and stop caring about the whispers shared with people who don't matter to you anymore."

Maybe she was right. I spent my whole life trying to get everyone to like me when I didn't even try liking myself. I was so worried about what people thought and if my entire word would collapse in on itself if I even tried to be happy for once. I avoided boyfriends in fear of them getting to know who I really was and destroying me. I avoided the activities I loved in fear that if I enjoyed life for one second, I would be a failure. Maybe it was time I stopped caring and took a risk for a change.