Heaven's On Fire |Dimebag Darrell

Happy Birthday

August 20th, 2005

Dimebag's widow expecting couple's first child

  That was the caption that I kept reading for several weeks after leaving one of my many appointments with Vinnie. Since then, everyone had been patiently waiting for the arrival of Dimebag Darrell's child. Magazines have been trying to cover the story for a while now which was what I was trying to avoid. I wanted this pregnancy to be for Darrell and me. I wasn't ready to share this with the rest of the world just yet.

  The picture they had used was one they got with Vinnie having his hand on my belly just as we left my doctor's office. True to his word, he came to every appointment. I wanted to be upset about this, but it was going to eventually get out. Darrell still meant something to everyone. I should've known that it was only matter of time.

  Our friends would show up through the weeks to congratulate me even though it felt robbed. Darrell should be here as well to receive their blessings. We all wished that the father-to-be was here with us. I know during this pregnancy I could've used his humor. During the milestones through each trimester, I shared them with Vinnie. It was supposed to be him though. Once our friends had filed through with their words of encouragement and gifts, the fan soon followed.

  Thankful to see the huge amount of support that I had since December. I always knew that his fans treated him well, and now they showed that upon me and our unborn son.

  Apart of me grew worried for my son. The reality was that he was THE Dimebag Darrell's son, and the world was going to see him as a continuance of Darrell's legacy. The burden that could come from that. My son was always going to be held in his father's shadow. The pressure of having to fill his father's shoes will be there. I just pray that the world would be kind and understanding as he grows up.

  My son's father was Dimebag Darrell, and Darrell was always going to be Darrell. No one could ever compete to what Darrell achieved in the years he played, and rightfully so. 'But our son deserved a chance to be his own person.

  Now 6 days shy of my due date, and I was feeling huge! I looked like I was about to drop any second. I wish I could say that this pregnancy was easy, but it tested me. Going through hormonal changes while grieving the loss of someone so important would be the most challenging thing I have ever had to endure. Keeping to their word, Rita and everyone else helped me every step of the way.

  From late night cravings to driving me around when it became too dangerous. Vinnie stayed by my side when nights grew harder. The was when I felt the loneliest. It took a while but with their patience, I was starting to see a little bit of the positive sides to my life again. I was slowly finding my smile and laugh. I even made it a goal to visit Darrell a bit more. Vinnie felt it brought me more peace each time we left there. Maybe he was right.

  Today was Darrell's 39th birthday, the first one without him. It was bittersweet for me. My husband may not be here to celebrate it but that didn't mean that we wouldn't for him. Rita being the amazing woman that she was had planned a little event out in Ennis, an hour out from Arlington. We were going to throw a Dimebag birthday bash for everyone to join us in celebrating the beautiful pink beard in the sky. Grady wanting to show off his new SUV volunteered to drink us tonight.

  "Shit," I breathed as I bent over. I have been having braxton hicks these past few days, some of them I was able to feel a little more than the rest. It was annoying honestly. Rita looked over, "you alright sweetheart? Little man giving you shit?" I nodded but laughed at her teasing. "Yeah, just these stupid false alarm contractions are obnoxious. One thing I can say though is that I am so ready for this not so little boy to finally come. I am over in being pregnant," straightening myself back up.