The Thunder and Lightning Rider

Chapter 20: Why? Part 2

Hiccup's POV

When someone says something to you, it's usually not true.

Like if your dad says they believe in you, he usually doesn't.

Or if you're like me, and say you're going to sleep, you're usually not.

It's not smart to be distracted while escaping your house, I reminded myself. I was currently climbing out of my window. Why not take my dragon? I didn't want to wake him up.

And, I just needed some time away from everything. 

And possibly everyone. 

The island was a wonderful place, but it was filled with people. It was hard to get to be alone sometimes, and it was harder as a chief.

I loved the people here. I was willing to do anything to protect them, but what if I didn't know what to do?

I didn't have just a few people to worry about like before. I had hundreds of peoples lives on my shoulders. If I messed up, there could be a mass massacre.

Maybe that was why I hated being away from the island so much. I hated leaving it vulnerable. I wanted to be a good chief. I wanted to be the chief that protected his own.

I pushed both my legs out of the window, which I don't know how I did. But right now, I didn't care. I put my hands on the window sill, facing my bedroom which I had escaped, and I lowered myself down the wall. I put my hands in the nooks and crannies, and before I knew it I was on ground level. I had done this a hundred times before. It was midnight, so no one would be out and about right now.

I walked straight to the woods and made my way through it with no difficulty. I knew these woods like the back of my hand.

My body automatically walked to the cliff that overlooked the water. It was a calm place, with a slight breeze, and you could smell the ocean. The moon always shined the brightest here.

My legs hung over the edge. I closed my eyes and breathed in. If I listened close enough, I could hear the water.

Here I could be left alone. I didn't have chiefly duties to bother me, I didn't have horrible fathers to bother me, it was just me and my thoughts.

I thought about my father. The person who I had grown up admiring, idolizing, loving. He had never loved me, or tried to. I wasn't anything to him, so why was he something to me?

I groaned aloud. I hated my mind sometimes. Truly, I did. I hated myself sometimes.

I opened my eyes and looked ahead. I breathed in  and out slowly, thinking about what could have been between me and my father. 

I was told, a lot, that I was a calm person. That I wasn't angry or didn't have anger issues. 

I had to be a calm person to run a village. I didn't have anger issues, but I was angry sometimes. Today had been one of those times. 

I was furious at my dad. I had always been kind of mad at him. I let it simmer down because it did no use for me, but sometimes I needed to let it out. 

When I was younger I tried to think that he was just busy and he doing the best he could. 

 I tried to cover my anger with positivity and what not. I didn't ever actually try to face it and deal with it. 

And maybe that was the reason I was so angry now. 

What I had said to Astrid, about him being a bad father. About him making me feel lower than I already was at the time, it was quite true.