needed // yuyeon.

chapter seventeen.

I don't let go of her as she climbs onto the counter and wraps her arms around me again. Haku and Mata whine and paw at the door. It makes my heart ache.

Soyeon places her hand on the back of my head as another tear rolls down my cheek and I start to actually cry. I don't know what I expected. Maybe I was going to cry heavily and yell and stuff, but that could have actually happened if things had been different between me and Jihyun in the days leading up to this. I figure the arguments and all the harsh ways we've — I've talked to her this past week prepared me for this.

I don't find myself feeling any pain. I'm not upset that Jihyun's gone. At all.

I'm scared.

Scared what will happen now that I'm alone.

Scared that I am Soyeon's now, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I hug her tighter. She strokes my hair and somehow it makes me cry even harder. I pull away and keep my hands wrapped around her waist. Soyeon looks at me.

"What is it?" She asks softly, cupping my face in her hands. I look into her eyes and wonder if she feels bad for me, or if this is what she wanted all along. It scares me. Her touch scares me. The way she's looking at me so lovingly scares me. Her eyes telling me it's okay scares me. Everything about her does in this moment.

Then I look at the fridge. There's drinks in there. Maybe that would help calm down the panic that's growing inside of me, since Soyeon's presence is failing to do so right now.

I pull away from Soyeon and walk over to the fridge. I always kept very few drinks in the house, but I thought we had more than just wine bottles and some peach flavoured liquor. Jihyun must've taken them away for some reason.

I grab the bottle of liquor and pop it open as Soyeon slides off of the counter.

"No, Yuqi. Don't." She says. I shake my head, tears pricking at my eyes again.

"I can't. I need to," I mutter. I smell it to check if the peach liquor is drinkable, then hold it out towards her. "Want some?"

Soyeon doesn't say anything. Instead, she just walks over to the door, looks blankly at Haku and Mata for a moment, then sits on the floor with them, leaning against the door. The dogs snuggle up to her. Both of them, even Mata, who isn't as affectionate towards her as Haku is.

"Answer me!" I yell. Haku and Mata lean against either side of Soyeon, and she starts stroking the spot under their ears.

"Maybe. I don't know. You drink first." She says. I do just that, all while staring at her. But Soyeon doesn't dare to look at me. She's focused on the dogs.

I sit on the floor aswell and lean against the counter, facing her. I don't like how the liquor tastes — it tastes nothing like peaches anyway — but I don't feel like having wine. It's too sexy and too formal for my current state.

I stare at Soyeon. She's perfect. She's just so beautiful and she looks so adorable with the dogs by her sides and in a tank top and pyjama shorts and I want to kiss her and I want to have sex with her and I just want to love her.

I realize now that she has me wrapped around her finger with the way she acts with me. Always pushing and pulling. One minute she's cold, and the next she gives me a kind of love I've never been given before.

"She's not coming back, you guys." Soyeon says softly. To the dogs. Not to me. She isn't talking to me for some reason. Haku and Mata whine softly. It makes me cry again.

"I'm scared," I say, making Soyeon finally look up at me. "I'm so scared, Soyeon."

"Stop drinking." She says flatly.