needed // yuyeon.

chapter twenty-two.

Unreal.

Fucking unbelievable.

I had sex with Jeon Soyeon. And it was amazing. It also caused me to stay awake afterwards, thinking.

Sure enough, it did make me forget about everything while it lasted, and the short moments after. Once we were done, Soyeon and I got changed into matching clothes and matching panties and carried on with a productive night routine that I had never seen her do, despite all the nights I've been here. We washed our faces, applied moisturisers and serums and all that fun stuff.

But she barely talked to me the whole time, leading me to think something had obviously upset her, which isn't unusual.

I spooned her when we went to bed and Soyeon spooned Haku. I finally got the courage to ask her how it was, and she told me — in a very sleepy voice — we'd talk in the morning.

I stopped talking after that and she fell asleep quite quickly. I moved closer to her and tried so desperately to quieten my head and fall asleep, but it was impossible. I could not stop thinking.

I thought about what had just happened and cringed internally at myself and everything I had just done. But then I thought about the way Soyeon kisses me and touches me and her moans and whimpers and how she tastes and all the good things.

Then I got upset. Because if the sex was that fun and felt that good, then Soyeon shouldn't be mad at me. But I realized that, if we're going to date and live together, then I need to get used to whatever the fuck happens to her attitude.

Finally, the long awaited realisation that I no longer have a best friend hit me, and I cried myself to sleep. I loved Shuhua. I think I still do, and I definitely still need her by my side.

Now I'm alone, and exclusively Soyeon's.

I stare at her as I open my eyes. She's sleeping so soundly and I smile at the sight but I can't ignore the discomfort I have been feeling since I fell asleep. No matter how much I love Soyeon, I can't forget how sketchy our relationship is.

At least, not until I can get some answers to my many questions.

She won't tell me things, but I think relationships can only work if both parties communicate and are honest with each other. I'm honest with Soyeon. She isn't with me and she has never been.

I need her to wake up because I can feel a lump forming in my throat and I can't cry.

I start stroking her hair, then slowly bring my hands down to her warm neck, then her arm, then her hand. Soyeon opens her eyes and looks into mine as I boop her nose.

"Hi." I say softly.

"Hi." She says.

We stare at each other in silence for a bit.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask. Soyeon gives me a confused look.

"Why would I be mad at you?"

I shrug. "I don't know. You just went silent after..." I trail off, letting her understand it herself. Soyeon smiles faintly.

"Well, Yuqi. What am I supposed to say to someone after I have sex with them for the first time?" She asks, sounding amused. And as always, she has a point.

"You're right. I'm sorry." I say.

"It's fine."

We stare at each other for a little while longer, until I can no longer resist being away from her. I open my arms, and Soyeon doesn't hesitate to cuddle up to me. I forget everything I was just thinking about once she's in my arms and I can smell her and feel her thighs against mine. It always works, her embrace always calms me, but not right now. Because I no longer have a best friend and I am all Soyeon's. She has won again.