a beautiful lie (continued/ original by winternightz)

What Is To Come?

The past two days have been so confusing. Toms moods are fluctuating between low and high constantly, leaving me afraid of what type of Tom I might have to deal with. God I hate his fucking guts. I want to tear his throat out. I want to stomp on his beautiful face until its just mush on the floor. And yet a part of me still dies for his love. A part of me craves his embrace. A part of me is left waiting for him to scoop me up and smother me with kisses. His love is such a mystery. I melt into his arms, yet sometimes I shake in fear in his arms.

Every time Tom enters a room, I hold my breath, expecting to be beaten down and abused, however sometimes when he walks into a room my heart flutters with lust. I cant seem to wrap my head around his personality disorder. Ive tried to understand. Ive endured the pain he's put me through. But no matter how many times I encounter his high moods it feels as if I've never met him, as if he's a complete stranger.

I lay in my bed, wide awake staring at myself in the ceiling mirror. The gashes on my face have begun to scab over and my black eye is less puffy and swollen. I look exactly how I did way back then. My chest is tight and sore, and my throat is dry from screaming.
I glance over to the digital alarm clock that reads
6:34pm. I slowly lift my aching body from the damp bedsheets, Toms arms is wrapped around my waist so I gently peel it away from my bare skin. As I go to throw some clothes on, I hear the bedsheets rustling. Tom has woken up. I brace myself, ready to fight once again, but he seems low right now. Thankfully. I throw on some jeans and a plain vest that was lying on the floor.

"Morning baby" Toms voice is low and soft, he groans as he stretches his fit body.
"Morning." I try to avoid conversation with him.
"Im hungry, Ill cook for us" He wanders over to me before wrapping his arms around my waist and planting kisses on my neck.
"Mkay." We head to the kitchen, theres plates and cups stacked up on the breakfast bar, the pizza boxes are piled up by the bin and the sink is full of dirty dishes. I sigh and collect myself, the sight of mess sends me on a rampage.
"Can someone clean this up and put the dishes in the dishwasher?" I shout to the boys who are sat on the sofa watching a horror movie
"Yeah yeah, we'll do it later." Gustav shoves popcorn into his mouth.

Tom begins cooking. He takes out some chicken and rice from the fridge and freezer. God this man cant cook. But its whatever, at least I'm being fed. I perch on a bar stool and take in Toms every movement. He's so concentrated.
The microwave beeps and he takes the rice out before putting half and half on two plates. He rubs his hands together, he looks so proud about some microwaved rice for fucks sake! I cant help but scoff a bit at his shit cooking knowledge, luckily he doesn't notice.
He takes the chicken out of the oven and plates it up, he then pours us both some cola before turning to me and sliding my plate in my direction.
I dig into the meal and take a sip of my drink while Tom scoffs his food down. He's acting like he hasn't eaten in years.

"We should spend some time together tonight" Tom says between chews. My heart sinks. What if he switches, what if he assaults me again.
"Mhm" Is the only thing I can get out, my stomach squirms at the thought of having to be alone with him again. I put down my fork and hold my stomach under the lip of the bar. My breathing quickens as my brain is filled with what ifs. I don't want to do this.

Tom finishes every last crumb of his food and slurps down his cola like an animal. I want to stay here, with the others. They usually calm Tom down, but if were on our own, theres no one to save me. I stare at the back of Bills head hoping he might look back at me and notice how terrified I am, but he's so engrossed in the movie that he doesn't even move his hand to get a handful of popcorn. This is it. Im on my own. And if something is to happen, Ill have to fight my way out of it, again.

"Cmon then, we can watch our own movie" Tom pats my thigh and holds his hand out for me to take. I pretend that I don't see it and stand up. My legs feel like jelly, they're trembling underneath me.

Theres no escaping whats to come.