a beautiful lie (continued/ original by winternightz)

Thats The Thing About Love

Tom cries until he cant physically force any more tears out, his sobs were loud and devastating, I held him as he fell apart in my arms, his soul was torn apart once again. I wish that I could hold his delicate heart and cradle it gently in my hands, but my frail arms are no longer strong enough to hold his heart which I don't understand. I listen as his breath begins to slow, and the tears which soak my shirt begin to dry, but I know that on the inside Toms heart is decaying as each memory floods his troubled mind.

The day that I met this man I was sure Id forever hate him, yet each day that went by being stuck by his side I began to slowly let him in.
Again and again he betrays my trust, he destroys all that we have built, but with each soft kiss and every hug, the fire in my heart is relit.
I hate this man, I hate his guts, however a part of me still loves him.
I try to fight it, push it away, but without him I am lost, Im empty, unfulfilled.
I hate the way I love this man and how he makes me drop my shield.
My love for him is endless, but so is my hate.
I hate the way my heart melts even after another mistake.
I hate the way he makes me feel, so full of desire and lust.
I hate the way he's a need not a want, and I hate the way he captivates me.
But most of all, I hate the way I love him more than love itself.

I love him unintentionally, because I don't want to love him.
But his silken words which haze my mind daze my rational thinking.
I love him unconditionally, even after each fault. Because although his heart is behind walls, his soft touch gives me hope.
Hope for life, hope for love, and hope for a real future we are destined.
We're bound together, tighter then words could describe, and our souls connect through laying in silence and through staring into his eyes.

His hopeless eyes create a portal that I have been afraid to jump through.
Yet somedays I feel ready to jump into the world in which he hides.
I feel ready to explore his faults and heal his past. However some of the scars which cut deep through his heart will be much too hard to mend.
I despise this man and his miserable life, but I cannot live without him.
I despise him so much that my life is incomplete if I go just an hour without him.

I think that my thoughts have come to a conclusion, one that has stuck in the back of my mind.
I have made one final decision which will dictate the rest of my life.
But with this decision I feel sure that it is not a mistake, I have made my final choice putting my whole world at stake.
I know in my heart that I love this man, I love him more than myself.
I love the way he is not perfect.
I love the way he cries.
And I love the way that I somewhat hate him.
I love Tom and that is that.
I cannot change my mind.
For his enchanting words stain my thoughts, his soft fingerprints mark my skin.
Tom is the one I love. I love only him.

No matter how many times Tom breaks me down and beats me up, I don't think Ill ever fall out of love with him.
No matter how many times he takes his rage out on me.
No matter how many times he threatens my life.
Thats the thing about love, as long as you're alive your first love will live in your heart for eternity. And Tom is my first love. Tom is my protector. Tom is my reason.
Yet Tom is my abuser. My predator.

Toms way of showing affection is so confusing, it drives me mad.
He throws me to the ground, he pulls chunks out of my hair.
He spits spiteful words at me and makes me feel meaningless.
But when he shows he loves me he puts his hands on my face and wipes away my tears.
He holds me in his strong arms and strokes my matted hair.
He whispers sweet nothings to me and tells me its okay.
His pros will always overpower his cons, because I know that there is a good side to Tom.
I know he has a soft spot.
That soft spot is for me.
Even when he beats me down, his eyes are filled with tears.
Because no matter how strong he thinks he is, the thoughts of his mother will always be there.
Thats why he comes back to me, his face trailed with tears.
Thats why he apologises through and through.
I see all of Toms faults clear as day.
But instead of disliking them I throw that thought away.
I turn his faults into perfections.

I lay awake at night wondering if he loves me too, I ask myself  'could he really love me?' and the answer is always sometimes.
I wonder if I keep him up at night, the thought of me consuming his mind.
I wonder if Im in his dreams.
I wonder if the thought of us being together is stuck in the back of his head.

He lays soundly in my arms, fast asleep, so I now know he will do no harm.
His arms are still wrapped around me, tight as can be.
But not as tight as the grip
that he has on me