a beautiful lie (continued/ original by winternightz)

Oh Bill

Tom takes a good look at me before hesitantly kissing me. I feel myself melt into his touch and before I know it i'm kissing him back. I need him.
I hold the back of his head and move closer to him, just as I'm about to climb onto his lap he pulls away and gets out of the hot tub.
He wraps his towel around his waist and walks off. I sit there, dazed and confused, I thought he'd touch me. I stay on my own for a while and finish the rest of the wine before I get out.

I breath in the crisp air and wrap my towel around myself. Instead of going inside I decide to go and sit at the fire pit for a while. I feel like things might be a bit awkward in the house. The fire crackles and I put my hands near the flame to warm up, Ive always loved the smell of bonfires, it takes me back to my childhood, when Id go camping with my mother and father. I remember roasting marshmallows on the open flame next to our little tent and singing campfire songs with my dad, before getting back into the tent and drifting off to sleep in my sleeping bag.
Times were so much simpler back then, I had nothing to care about, I was just a child, not a worry I'm the world.

But things are different now, much different.
I don't think a day goes past without me worrying about endless possibilities of what ifs. I didn't think it would be possible to feel so ashamed of what I've become, but i know little Taylor would be disappointed in me now. Shed call me daft and tell me that I'm weak and helpless. Which is true, I am weak, Im weaker than ever, Ive lost my spark, and my spirit. All thats left is a pit of sorrow and self pity. I do wonder if ill ever be truly happy, like genuinely at peace. But at this point, I doubt it.

I begin to cry, I cry long and hard. God I wish I never met Tom. No. I wish I never met Ria. I wouldn't be where I am if she didn't exist in my life, id be free.

Im sobbing now, my whole world crumbles around me, my chest feels tight and my head starts pounding.
"Hey, Taylor." A sweet voice brings me back to reality, its Bill
I wipe my face and smile at him. He sits down next to me and takes out a pack of marlboroughs
"Want a cig?" I nod and he hands me one before lighting his own then mine.
"Whats up?" He asks with concern in his voice
"Oh nothing, just thinking." I try to brush it off
"Well, sitting on your own sobbing and cursing the world doesn't look like nothing." He's right but Id feel bad for telling him I wish I never met him.
"I am sorry, Taylor. Genuinely. I never wanted any of this to happen. I never wanted Tom to kidnap you that night."
"Oh bill, its not your fault." Ive always liked Bill, he's sweet and he has a kind heart I'm sure
"I know, but I do feel awful" He has a soft voice and its very comforting
"Do you want me to talk to Tom?"
"No." I snap back "No, Bill. Its okay, I don't want any problems" I wouldn't like to imagine what Tom would do if Bill told him to sort himself out.
"Alright, Ill see you a bit later then. Okay?" He picks his lighter up and pats my shoulder before heading back inside

I follow shortly after. I push the heavy door open and see everyone sat watching a movie, I rush up the stairs in the hopes that no one would notice but they probably did. I collapse onto my bed and stare at myself in the mirror on the ceiling.
"Why?" I ask myself, "Why?" I know I don't have an answer, but Id like to think asking myself would bring me one, it doesn't.
I take a deep breath in and walk to the wardrobe, obviously I don't have any clothes as I had to leave mine at Romans so I pick out some of Toms clothes. They're huge on my petite frame and the joggers are so long that they bundle at the bottom. I put on a black t-shirt and it almost goes down to my knees. I look in the mirror and laugh a bit, I hope Toms not mad.

I go back downstairs and pour myself some cola into a nice glass. The bright lights are making my eyes hurt so I decide to sit on the sofa with the boys.
"Nice clothes, Taylor. Wonder where you got those from" Tom says, he doesn't sound mad
"Im sorry, I don't have any of my clothes."
"Im joking love, you look cute in my clothes" He looks at me from the other side of the sofa and smirks. Wow, what a switch up. Just a minute ago he was raging, now he's complimenting me. God he gives me a fucking headache

I turn to look at the TV to see what they're watching, it looks familiar. A girl has just moved into her apartment in New York, shes unpacking and reading a book. It suddenly hits me. This is what was playing in Romans room. Tears well in the corner of my eyes and I look around the room while trying to block the sound of the TV out. Everything comes flooding back, the clock ticking, his cracked hands, his voice, his phone buzzing, the pillow. I bring my knees up to my chest and cover my face with my hands. I rock back and forth.

"Dont EVER fucking hit me again you whore" His voice floods my head and I shake in fear. My blood runs cold and the hairs on my back stand up.
"ROMAN STOP GET THE FUCK OFF ME" I remember how helpless I was, how timid I became.
"You know I hate ruining merchandise"
"So don't do something that will make me."
He was God awful. Just remembering his voice sends me into terror.

"Taylor, you okay?" I look up and see Tom staring at me. I don't respond. He gets up and motions for me to follow him upstairs. I trail behind him.
We get to our room and he sits down and pats the spot next to him on the bed.