Epiphany Of Eywa {Avatar & Avatar TWOW}

Find my serenity.

I was done gasping for air. I was finished trying to wake up and listen to Grace when she said "come back to me". This was too much.

For the millionth time this evening, I sunk back into the warm and familiar state of nothingness. I laid back until I felt the sensation of floating and comfort. Despite said peace, I did not feel safe. It felt like the ocean of threatening comfort was enticing me and slowly swallowing me whole.

I knew eventually I would sink and the never ending torture of staying alive would finish, but for now this is how would manage.

There was no light, so sound, nothing but my uneven and shaky breaths.

In my head I was singing, happily humming quietly to myself. The quiet, echoing song in the background of what was left of my sanity reminded me of my mother. A peaceful time.

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do,

She sang. I swore I could feel her brush her thumbs over my cheeks as the hot tears contrasted to the cool ocean that surrounded me.

I'm half crazy, all for the love of you!

I could hear her laughing and I smiled with her, knowing I was almost joining her beneath me in the depths of happiness and calmness. We were almost together, but soon enough, something would wake me up again.

Below the water was my mother, singing me to sleep and bringing me happiness.

Above the water was Grace, Jake and Norm, trying to hold me afloat and shouting for me to stay conscious.

They sounded far more desperate, my mother welcomed me, but did not pry. Grace was almost screaming. Jake said nothing, I could not even tell where he was. Norm was breathing heavily and tapping my arm every so often.

I made my choice.

I let out the breath I was holding, and my lungs deflate, all of the oxygen slowly whooshing from my lips.

My body submerges, and the cold, dark water surrounds me quickly. It felt like it was pulling me under, and I let it. When my face gets finally swallowed, everything felt right.

I slowly began to get deeper and deeper, my lungs never begged for air, they simply bathed in the water. The moment I tried to inhale, they got flooded with cool water. But still they did not argue.

This all felt right.

My hair floats around me and around my face. Removing my view of the surface; what could have been.

The abyss of black above the waterline was my entire life, slowly moving further and further away from my grasp.

Above me was white hot blinding light, something that felt far worse than being here.

My sinking stopped.

Suddenly there was nowhere else to go. My mother was not here, her singing had halted, I was alone. It was silent, not even my breathing could be heard now. It was killing me and I couldn't even feel it.

I let it kill me.

The endless, bottomless void that was this ocean of nothingness offered me something I knew I was not get from returning to consciousness. I was not asleep or awake, there was no pain or numbness. Everything just was.

Something in me told me staying here would result in something far worse than this. I didn't know what it was. Maybe death. But I felt no fear on the matter anymore. Living or dying held no significance in my mind.

The occasional whoosh of water that brushed past me was all I could feel, and that was a shock to my system every single time. I felt like I'd been here for hours, even if I was here for a mere thirty seconds.