Fire of the Sea|1| HOTD

.31

It's that time of year again.. My birth month. And sadly, from here on out it will be ruined, because it is also his birth month. And he is no longer someone I am glad to share this time with.

In our family, a royal one, we don't just do one day celebrations. No, it's a week long event, filled with celebrations and parties in your honor. A commemoration of you being brought into the world. Not this year. This year is different, they aren't filling halls with decorations nor are they lining up with presents and there is no way in hell there will be a family dinner.

This year there is a cloud, dark and cold, casting its shadow over our already gloomy fortress. There are lords gathered, but not to celebrate. They're here to plan. Plan for the infiltration of our enemies, our own kin. So, there is no birth week, hell no birth day. I'd be lucky if anyone even mentioned it, but I'm not angered. Most days I don't even know the date, so I'm not counting down to this unimportant event when I have better things to do.

Some people did remember, like little Joffrey, who isn't quite grasping the severity of our situation. I don't blame him, if I could be young and naive again I would.

The Northern men had arrived last night, bringing most of their highly regarded men and of course The Lord himself. Cregan was here. If you hadn't picked up on that. To everyone but the Northern men, he was just a young boy, fresh and green. But to them he was their Mighty Wolf. I admired how much they looked up to him. The saying is true, 'Where the Starks go, The North is sure to follow.' After all, they were the Kings of the North before The Conquest. And if we survive this war, he'll be the King Consort of The Seven Kingdoms.

It's sort of scary, promising to marry someone if they win you a war. I'm putting not only his life on the line, but those of his men, all over a silly little marriage. Though, it's more complex than that, it's my birthright to sit that iron throne. I'm of true Targaryen blood, the blood of Old Valaryia itself. To push all of that aside would be like denying the gods themselves of their temples. Not that I'm anywhere near god status, though many people do believe Targaryens are closer to gods then men. I'll leave that debate to the Gods themselves.

Anyways, back to our current dilemma, Cregan. I hadn't ran into him yet, the last time we saw each other I had kissed him. And although my feelings haven't changed, what if his has? What if he isn't as open to this whole situation as he said he was during our last visit. How do I know he isn't just in this betrothal for the title? What am I even saying? He would never do that, he's kind and sweet and isn't conniving like that.

Being who I am these will always be questions brewing in my mind, I just have to tell myself it's not the case. It's sometimes hard to not second guess those becoming close to me, always thinking they have ulterior motives. One of the main reasons I don't have friends. I used to be a very outgoing child, having many friends but never close ones. Until one day I realized no one could be trusted. Now I know, it was a bit overkill to think no one could be trusted, but I was young and extreme.

I'll just face my anxiety and worry about Cregan when I finally run into him, which will most likely be tonight. They're holding a feast to boost morale and also my nameday, but no one's really paying that mind. I'll have to sit through all the old lords eyeing me as I sit upon the high table with my family. And Cregan, as my betrothed, will be seated next to me. No getting out of that, no matter how scared I was of facing him.

As all the occupants of the castle shuffle into the dining hall my family along with Cregan were the last to join. We walked through the rows of tables with every lord and their men bowing to us and muttering greetings and blessings. Something I'd never get used to was this. Being watched as I walk to eat. Simple eating wasn't normal anymore, it was a task I'd be watched doing from now on.

We took our seats, mother and Daemon in the middle with me and Jace on respective sides and our betrothals next to us. Neither of the younger boys were present, they ate with their nurses and should be sleeping soundly by now.

Cregan and I had barely spoken a word to eachother, other than the plain 'good evening' and a 'shall we' as we walked in. There wasn't an awkward feeling, just the overall want to not talk about anything that has happened since our last meeting. I didn't want to remind myself of every loss in my family. Cregan senses that and therefore the quietness was quite evident.

Daemon nudged me with his knee as a hint to make conversation with Cregan. To him I was being awkward, he didn't understand that Cregan was being polite by not asking me how I was or what had happened since last seeing him. Because Cregan knew that none of the answers would be given a happy answer.

Looking over to him, I cleared my throat. "How were your travels my lord?" I winced at the formality.

"My lord? You know it's alright to call me Cregan. We're friends Syra, formalities aren't needed." He smiled at me, "As for my travels, they were alright, winter isn't as harsh as they usually are and we had enough wool to keep us warm for the ride."

"Sorry it's just habit at this point, I'm glad you and all your men were safe during the ride. But I will always choose dragon back, it's much faster." I chuckled out the last part.

"True, but not all of us are blessed with a dragon, let alone three."

"Maybe I'll bless you with a ride on one of them." I jested. I've always wanted to have company while riding, sometimes it gets boring up there, alone.

"I'd be honored." He stopped and looked around a moment, everyone was in their own conversations so no one had an eye on us. Leaning in more he got right to my ear and whispered, "Happy birthday, māzīlarion dāria."

māzīlarion dāria (future queen)

Finally finished this chapter, haven't been really on here or my tiktok so I apologize for that and hope you enjoy this chapter.
<3 A