This is a story of love lost and found. How broken pieces of a person can make a inspiring image.
I hope you like it.
These are my original thoughts they cannot be reproduced by anyone.
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My mind raced the entire drive from my house to the clinic. I told myself that this is best. I didn't want another baby, I'd already lied to my husband about not being pregnant and I have a daughter who deserves my love and attention. I let out a deep breath as I walked from my car through the door. I was greeted with smiles and no judgment.
The receptionist handed me all the necessary paperwork. I filled it out and paid for the service upfront. As soon as I sat down in the lobby I knew I shouldn't be there. I didn't want to be there. I thought about Kyla and how much I love her. If I pushed myself I could figure something out. My daughter is the light of my world, she shines bright above all. At one-point of time she was in the same place this baby is and I knew she needed her mom to protect her. She still does.
Then my thoughts went to Steven. Four days ago he asked if I'd taken a pregnancy test. I told him yes and that it was negative. Now I would have to think of an elaborate lie to cover that one. Lying only sets you up for failure. I was tired of deceiving him. We vowed to protect each other's hearts and I was doing a terrible job.
Thoughts of Noah's death filled my mind. I was struggling to get over something that happened almost nine years ago. How could I possibly function knowing that I had an abortion.
"Kassandra Henderson," The nurse called my name. I followed her to room three. "We're going to do your ultrasound first then you'll have the surgery."
"Okay, thank you." I replied. A tall woman with long brown hair walked in to do my ultrasound.
"Don't worry we're just gonna take a quick look to be sure the pregnancy is in the uterus. By state law you have to look at the screen." I faced the screen as she applied cold gel to my lower stomach. She waved the ultrasound wand until she found the baby. "It looks like you're about 12 weeks."
I could see tiny arms and legs moving freely.
"Would you like a picture?" The tech was amazing. The care at this clinic was better than most doctor's offices.
"Yes, please." I answered. She printed the picture and handed it to me.
"Now you'll go to room five and wait on the obstetrician. Everything's gonna be okay." She gave me a gentle smile.
"Instead of walking to room five, I walked to the front desk. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this. You can keep the money, give it to someone that needs it." I didn't even give them a chance to respond, I ran out of the door.
I was ashamed of my actions. I know a lot of women get abortions, but it's not the right choice for me. I walked out the door to see Steven standing by my car. My heart dropped and the tears flowed as I locked eyes with him. The disappointment and anger on his face was put aside as he comforted me. The drive home was agonizing, I knew once I got there my mom would be waiting.
Abortion is such a taboo topic. She's against it unless there's an extenuating circumstance. It was fine in cases of rape or if the mother's health was in danger, but using abortion as a form of birth control went against every bone in her body.
