ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴅᴏɴᴛ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴏɴ ᴍᴇ

sixty two

Maddy*

After a few days in home unfortunately Charles needed to leave for Japan.
By now Lya was used to wake up with Charles and to spend the most of the time with him, which made me worried how she will take that he's not going to be home.

Besides that, Japan had always scared the death out of me. Knowing there's always possibility Charles or whoever to crash there is always driving me crazy.

Especially now I can't lose Charles. I know he's always careful wherever he's racing but i was always scared.

The morning he needed to leave was silent. I didn't actually know what to tell him. He knows I'm scared.

It went like every morning, he woke up Lya and Mateo, i feed up Lya and made breakfast. Still in a uncomfortable silence.

Once we were over with everything he needed to leave. I felt right to finally say something...

"Be safe..please." i whisper with watery eyes, he pulled me closer and kissed me.
"I will be safe baby." He rubbed my back gently.
"I love you" i sniffed and he kissed me again.
"I love you more."

Suddenly Mateo came to say goodbye to Charles again.

"Bye daddy. I love you." He said hugging Charles.
"I love you too buddy." He smiled and kissed his forehead.

He left and i went to rock Lya cause she was crying. Something i expected when he's not home.

"Mommy give her daddy's shirt, it helped me when i was little." Mateo told me while he was watching TV.
"Great idea baby, thank you." I smiled and went to the bedroom to take one of Charles's shirts.

It was an amazing idea honestly, Lya directly drifted off at the moment she snuggle into Charles's shirt.

I'm lucky to have Mateo now too. Maybe someone will think it will be harder with two kids in home alone but I can't even call Mateo a kid anymore. He's doing almost everything alone now.

Of course he is helping me so much with Lya.

The afternoon i we spend lazily on the couch with Mateo while Lya was mostly sleeping.

Charles had texted me he arrived and now he will be working with Ferrari and he will call me later.

Unfortunately Mateo didn't had the chance to talk with Charles cause it was getting late but i had promised to him that tomorrow he will talk with him.

"How's everything? How are you?" He asked me while he was driving at his hotel.
"Lya is getting little more upset than usual, despite of that she's okay. She's always sleeping with your shirt around her and to be honest i would probably do that too."

It was hardly for me to relax and stuff, not because I'm worried because he is not home.

The last months he was constantly with me and i was used to it. Now it was strange.

"As long as you're all okay to sleep with my shirt it's our smallest problem. Is it late in Monaco? Are you tired? If you want to you can go-" i cut him off with smile.
"Charles..i would prefer to talk to you instead of tossing in the bed alone." I laughed and slightly fell how tired i am.

I didn't actually do something big, but still i was endlessly tired.

"And i would prefer you to go and rest okay? We will talk tomorrow again." He said looking at me.
"Yeah i know..i love you." I sadly said and he smile sadly.
"I love you more baby. Come on. Lya is going to wake up soon. Go have some sleep."
"Bye love."
"Bye."

I hung and went to the bedroom. I took two of Charles's shirt, one that i put on me and another just to stay on the bed close to me.

I know it's kinda obsessive or something but i am attached to Charles since we were 18. I cannot just sleep normally without him.

I hardly let myself fell asleep for a brief moment before i hear the bedroom door open. Mateo was standing there looking visibly scared.

"What happened baby?" I asked him as he climbed on the bed next to me.
"Can i sleep with you? There's monsters in my room!" He said looking at me.
"Of course you can baby, but you know Lya is waking up at the night right?" He nod snuggling into me.

Visibly all of us are struggling with that Charles is not home..I can't blame Mateo, he has been very independent since Lya is born. Sometimes he will also need me and I'm always there for him.

"What about the monsters mommy?" He suddenly asked me, maybe also struggling to fall asleep.
"I'm sure when daddy gets home you two will beat them up." I smiled and he slightly laughed.
"Yeah, but i could do it only with daddy, he's brave enough to fight them. Because he is driving a fast car!" He said snuggling more into me.
"That's right baby, daddy's really brave." I kissed his forehead and tried to fall asleep for at least a little before Lya wake up.

Unfortunately i couldn't so i was wide awake with Mateo by my side when she woke up for feeding.

I had feed her for solid 20 minutes that exhausted me even more.

I put her back in her crib giving her Charles's shirt again, she slightly snuggled into it and fall asleep.

I wished i could to that too, that easily.

Mateo was already asleep on Charles's side of the bed. I had layed down for an hours without being able to fall asleep despite of my efforts to do it.

I went to the balcony with a cup of tea, it was only early in the morning, Monaco was silent and beautiful.

I stayed and watched the sky for a little bit, the whole thing made me emotional and somehow without noticing i started crying.

I only realized the weekend that is ahead of us is not going to be easy at all. With a lack of sleep and always tensed up..definitely not a good combination.