ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴅᴏɴᴛ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴏɴ ᴍᴇ

thirty five

At the morning i wake up in Charles's arms, he was still sleeping peacefully and i really don't want to wake him up.

I tried to stand and not wake him but at the end of it he did.

"I'm sorry love, I didn't wanted to wake you up."
"No, it's fine. Are you okay?" - he rub his eyes and sit on the bed 
"Yeah, i feel good. But kinda worried for the baby. We should go back home and check it. I know it's early but at least to know I'm really pregnant."
"Yeah you're right. Let's pack our stuff and go back to Monaco." - he stand and dress himself

I get ready Mateo and his stuff while Charles was packing ours. After we were ready we go to the airport.

No long time ago we were back home. Charles drive us straight to the hospital because we wanted to check the baby.

"I'll go there, you two can come too if you want."
"Yeah sure, let's go." - Charles take my hand and we enter the cabinet.

The doctor start checking me and his look was worried. It also made me worried.

"Maddy, Charles i need to tell you something but I'm not sure the little boy needs to hear it too."
"Erm..Mattie baby can you go outside with the nurse."
"Is everything okay mommy?"
"Yes." - I nod and the nurse take him out

I take Charles's hand and squeeze it. I had a bad feeling about that.

"Maddy, yes you're pregnant I don't think your body can take it, but...i remember your first pregnancy with Mateo. If you keep that baby it will be even more harder, the whole pregnancy the birth after that. If you want to do it it's your choice it won't be fatal but i can say it won't be easy. If you don't want to keep it you need to tell me as soon as it's possible."

My eyes were full of tears. I was holding Charles's arm who was standing next to me rubbing my back gently.

I really can't describe what's the feeling. It's like the world goes black. I need to decide to carry my child or kill it.

"I-i can't say right now...we need to go home and discuss it. I-i don't know."
"I don't want you to answer me now. Take your time."
"Thank you. I will tell you before the next race."
"Also for the traveling. Now it's not a problem. But if you decide to keep it it will be hard."
"Okay...i-"
"Love calm down, let's go home. We will talk." - he pull me for a hug and i break down in his arms

It took me few minutes to stop crying, i was still sobbing but it was not that obvious. We take Mateo from the nurse and we go home.

"I'll call Arthur to come and take Mateo."
"Yeah sure." - i was looking at one point trying to figure out everything in my head
"Love, we'll be okay. Please don't cry it kills me to watch you like that i feel so helpless." - he kiss me gently and tried to smile even if it's not easy for him too.
"Charles i love you." - i snuggle into him while he was calling Arthur

Mateo come to us and just hug me tight. I felt tears in my eyes again

"Mommy why are you crying?" - he kiss me gently and tried to cheer me up
"Mattie you're still little. I can't find the right words to explain you right now. We need to talk with daddy and after that we'll explain you.
"Okay...i love you please don't forget that!"
"Oh my little baby, i love you more! You're my little sunshine." - i kiss him
"Carla will take Mattie, Arthur is busy with Prema." - he sit next to us and wrap his hand around me and Mateo
"Daddy?"
"Yes buddy?"
"Can you tell mommy to stop being sad. I want her to be happy."
"I'll try my best to cheer her up. I promise."

We cuddle for some time in silence before Carla take Mateo.

I make myself a coffee and sit back on the couch. I was still trying to process everything. Charles sit next to me and pull me closer to him

"What do you think about that?" - he ask me while he was rubbing my arm gently
"I want to keep it Charles. It's our baby. I can't kill it. He or she deserve to live. No matter how hard it will be i want to keep it. I just...I don't know. The news were shocking and maybe effect me in some way." - i sigh and kiss him
"I know it's not easy to take it. But we're together in this. I will always be here for you. I'll quit racing if it's needed. I want you Mateo and the baby to be okay."
"To quit racing is little too much. I'm sure you'll be here for us. It's okay."
"I'll do everything for you all."
"I know you will. It's enough having you as a boyfriend and father of Mateo."
"Oh god i love you."

We spend some time just talking. About different things. About the baby, and how we're going to get used to it. Stuff like that.

"I think Carlos and Isa should know about that. I mean they were here for us they deserve to know." - i look at Charles who was playing with my hand and looking at one point with tired look
"Yeah, Carlos told me they'll come to Monaco because they want to spend some time here." - he nod slowly and look at me
"Are you sure you want it today? It was little too much for us. I mean i can see you're tired so." - I kiss him gently
"Yeah it was too much but I'm fine i guess. Let's invite them." - he grab his phone and call Carlos

While he was talking with Carlos, Carla get Mateo back.

"Thank you so much for taking him Carla! We really needed to discuss that."
"It's okay Mads! I hope you're okay! I know you and Charles made the right choice. Know that me and Arth are always here for you and Charles!"
"Thank you so much! We love you!" - i hug her

She left and i go inside with Mateo. He was hugging me tight not wanting to let me go.

"They're coming. I told them we're not in condition to clean up or do something so they know it's messy." - he laugh
"Haha well they're used to it! I'm going to  bath Mateo and get him ready for sleep. Tell them I'll come soon." - Charles nod and i head with Mateo to the bathroom.

While i was bathing him he asked me about earlier. I finally can find the right words to explain him.

"Mommy what was that earlier? Are you okay?"
"I am okay Mattie, you know mommy is pregnant and you're going to have brother or sister. Just my pregnancy will be harder than that with you. But everything will be okay i promise you!" - i kiss his head and he wrap his hands around me
"I'm glad you're okay! Can i play little with Carlos and Isa before bed?"
"Sure let's go!"

i dress him with his pijamas and we head to the living room where Carlos Isa and Charles were already talking.

"Hey guys." - i sit next to Charles and wrap my arms around him
"Hey Mads!  You need to tell us what's going on!" - Isa rub my arm
"Yeah in a bit!" - I look at Mateo

They played for a little bit while i was making some food with Charles.

"Babe you look really exhausted..." - i wrap my arms around Charles
"I don't have any strength right now. Just today was tough." - he smile and start carrying food to the living room

I put Mateo to sleep and finally had the opportunity to talk with Isa and Carlos.
Charles was laying on my lap while i was explaining about today.

"It was really tough. My pregnancy will be hard too. We just needed to decide if i want to keep it." - my fingers stroke Charles's hair gently
"And you'll keep it?" - Carlos look at us
"Yes! I can't take it off! It's our child!" - i smile
"We should leave you two have some rest. Look at Charles he's almost asleep!"-Carlos smile at him
"Mhm?" - he mumble and look up
"Nothing love it's okay."
"I'm not sleeping I'm all good!" - he rub his eyes
"Mate you look pale. You should eat and sleep. We will leave you two."
"Maybe. It's fine to stay." - he shrug shoulders
"Babe can you for once admit you're tired and you need rest? You can't just pretend you're okay. Not infront of me. You don't fucking need to." - i give him a disappointed look
"Maddy is right mate. Come on go have some sleep."

I send them out while Charles was taking shower. I waited for him in the bed already. He comes and just fall into the bed.

"Are you asleep?" - i mumble and wrap my hands around him
"Yeah." - he laugh quietly and hug me too
"So goodnight babe." - i give him a gently kiss
"Goodnight babe I love you."

We both fall asleep soon hugging eachother tight.