ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴅᴏɴᴛ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴏɴ ᴍᴇ

sixty three

I had layed in the bed for the last hours, i didn't slept even a minute last night.

I get up from the bed to make breakfast for Mateo and to get ready. I was looking exhausted enough to collapse in every moment.

I just hoped no one will visit us cause definitely will notice my state and will tell Charles.

For once i wanted to do it alone, without Charles coming home before another important race for him.

I was 90% sure i can do it.

Mateo sleepy came to the kitchen and smile at me.

"Why so little breakfast?" He said rubbing his eyes sitting on the chair.
"I already ate baby." I lied, i didn't dare to do it for some reason.
"That's a good lie mommy, but I'm sure you didn't." He pushed his plate Infront of me.
"I'm okay baby, I'll eat after that." I kissed his forehead and put the plate back Infront of him.

Despite of his protests i didn't ate. I only went to get Lya ready and feed her again.

My phone was ringing in the kitchen so I'm sure if it is Charles Mateo is already talking with him.

I made my way with Lya there and smiled at Mateo. He was explaining Charles about the monsters and Charles promised to deal with them when he comes home.

"Buddy, can you give me mommy now, and turn the camera on." I'm sure Mateo told him i didn't ate. I don't blame him, he's worried for me but I don't wanted Charles to know.

I sit on the chair and took my phone. Charles smiled at me madly seeing exactly how tired i am.

"I don't even know what to tell you darling, you perfectly know what i mean." He said and sigh.
"Charles, it's really hard without you here, since when Mateo come to sleep with us because he's scared? Since when I'm not sleeping well when you're not home?"
"I know it's hard baby, only 3 races and I'll be back home. There won't be that kind of problems. I know racing causes them but I'm doing everything i can to balance it like i always do okay?" He said sadly.
"I know you do, and you're doing amazing. As a driver, as a father and as a boyfriend." I smiled and he also.
"Don't watch the sessions, they are early in the morning in France. Sleep." He said seriously and i nod, perfectly knowing I'll watch everything cause I won't fall asleep.
"I love you okay?" He said getting me out of my thoughts.
"I love you too." I smiled.

The whole day was draining like always, with Lya being upset..Quite used to it already but it was still exhausted.

After dinner i put Mateo to sleep in our room again. I stayed up to watch Charles's third practice and eventually going to sleep after that because won't handle the whole situation without a least a little bit sleep.

I made myself like a thousand tea for the day and sit on the couch. I turn on the TV and waited for the start of the practice.

I was hardly staying awake by now but i wanted to watch at least a little bit.

I hear Mateo coming to the living room and slightly sigh.

"Mommy, why are you not sleeping? You look tired."
"Oh erm..i'm just..watching daddy."
"Why daddy's driving this early?"
"He is practically not, it's just time difference baby." I smiled.
"Can you please come and sleep with me?" He said rubbing his eyes and i just can't say no to him.
"Of course baby." I turned off the TV and head with him to the bedroom.

I layed on the bed with him and somehow i started to relax. Soon i was already asleep.

Till Lya woke up, of course...

I barely had the strength to feed her...I felt terrible.

I put her back in her crib and exhaustedly lay on the bed.

I really don't remember falling asleep after that but i did, when i woke up i hear Mateo talking with someone who wasn't Charles.

"Mommy is sleeping now, she's really tired. She don't want to tell daddy cause he's going to be worried." I heard him explaining.
"Since I'm here we can let her sleep okay?" I heard Arthur's voice and smiled.

Mateo didn't called him, he probably came to see how we are doing.

I woke up a hours later, surprisingly. Cause normally I woke up every time Lya's crying.

I can't lie maybe i was too tired to even hear her.

I made my way to the living room just to see Lya sleeping in Arthur's arms while Mateo was drawing something on the floor.

I looked at them with watery eyes and Arthur stand to hug me.

"I know it's hard, i came to see if you need some help." He said rubbing my back.
"I don't know Arth, it's not like i have problems with Lya or something, it's just trouble with falling asleep without Charles." I said sadly.
"He will be back home tomorrow, you got this okay?" He said letting me go out of his arms.
"I got this." I smiled weakly.

He needed to leave already so once again we were alone.

"What are you drawing baby?" I kneel next to Mateo and he smiled at his painting.
"Me, you, daddy and Lya. Family." He said handing it the painting to me. I admired it for few seconds and smiled.
"It's beautiful baby, we are family. Always." I kissed his head.

After dinner we went directly to the bed, i wasn't going to act like I'm strong cause I'm really not.

The last two days struggling showed me i can't always act like i can do it because I'm hurting myself.

Mateo was somehow used to sleep with me now so he directly dozed off on the bed in the moment i put him in.

Lya was more calm than the past two days which meant a little bit longer sleep than usual.

Idk why the fuck i update this in so random times of the night 😭