SKZ x ATZ Oneshots

Chanseung - Bitter love

Overview:

✎ Storyline: Chan once confessed his love to Seungmin, but he rejected him. Their friendship went down the drain as a result. A year later, Seungmin still looks back on the past bitterly, because he actually loves Chan.

✎ TW: Has a depressive vibe

✎ Words: 3849

✎ Author: Rony

————— ୨୧ —————

Pov. Kim Seungmin*

Who doesn't know the following situation?

It's evening, and you're lying in bed in you're dark room. It's another one of those days when you're at your lowest point, almost at the core of the earth.

Either way, you want nothing more than to finally go to sleep, and forget all the tormenting thoughts. Or you're like me, who wants to stay awake as long as possible so that it lasts "longer" until the next day dawns.

Slowly, a lump forms in my throat and this unbearable tugging in my chest area won't let me rest. But it's not a lasting, painful feeling. It's more like the rushing waves in the beautiful blue sea.

My whole body feels so uncomfortable, and I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. Most of all, I just want to be hugged, distracted, and do something fun. But I lack the necessary strength to get up at all. Everything feels so exhausting and tiring at the moment. Like I'm too lazy, although it's not really laziness. It's more like a weight on my shoulders that prevents me from getting up.

Next to me on the nightstand, my phone suddenly vibrates. However, I make no effort to move to see who is texting me. It was probably Jeongin, who had shared a post on Instagram. I should have opened the chat long ago; Over the course of the week, there must have been over 50 posts from him in the message box. My phone is already full of notifications from KakaoTalk, Twitter, TikTok, and Snapchat that I still need to look at and reply to. And let's not forget BeReal, which has been reminding me for hours, "You have two minutes to post your BeReal and see what your friends are doing."

I kinda feel like a bad friend, letting everyone down, because I'm having another one of those ups and downs and cutting myself off from everyone again. All the while, I'm wondering what's wrong with me. Why do I always cling to the bad memories, even though I was so happy back then? But since that one incident, everything has changed.

Since my best friend Chan confessed his love to me.

When we first met, I never thought I would fall in love with him. As the days went by, I noticed how my feelings for him grew stronger and stronger. They were no longer just platonic. My thoughts are always with Chan, even today. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. When I think of him, I realize that he is the one who has the keys to my heart. But I just took the keys out of his hand and threw them away.

At that time, I didn't know how to love someone, even though I wanted to so much! Both then and now, my heart beats wildly for him. Despite everything, I didn't return his affection and naively thought we could remain as best friends. He, on the other hand, let go, distanced himself, and joined new circles of friends. Chan couldn't live with my rejection. And before I knew it, I had lost the friend I thought I would always have by my side. The only person who made me feel loved.