The Divorcee's Redemption

33: Knight

"He got my heartbeat
Skipping down 16th Avenue"

***

Tomorrow was the ultrasound and I was crying my eyes out.

Just when I was dressing for work, I realized that my jeans had turned too tight. It was hurting me and my baby. For weeks, I had been doing nothing but eat all day every day.

At this point, it didn't even feel like it was because I was pregnant. Maybe I had grown fat ever since I returned home. Alvarez must be using too much butter in his dishes.

Why the hell would he do that?!

All through my life, I have been ridiculed in one way or another. I didn't want this to be added to the list.

"Lucy, are you crying?" Dad pushed the door open.

"Go away, Dad!" I yelled while clutching the robe I had around me.

He had completely stopped calling me Cupcake as well. It broke my heart so much. "Why are you crying?" He came inside and stood by me, confused beyond words.

I sobbed and sobbed, wondering if this was even something to be so dramatic about. But it hurt. Everything around me was weighing me down, literally and emotionally.

"Come on, Lucy... Is it Danny? Is it him?" He sighed.

"No! No..." I buried my face in my palms.

"Then what's wrong...? Tell me..." He sat beside me and brought his arm around my shoulder.

"Why do you always assume that it's Danny? Or any guy? Why don't you trust me?" I sniffed and sobbed while attempting to push Dad away.

"I trusted you..." He mumbled, "... And now look at yourself. You're not ready... Lucy, this is... This is hard... For you, for everyone-"

I pushed him off of me and shot up to my feet, glaring at him with tears streaming down my face. "Do you think that mom was ready?! You used her! You treated her like shit! You threw her away! Now you're going back just to use her over and over again! You're disgusting, Dad."

His face tensed at my words, even the hands on his thighs had clenched into fists.

Realization hit me at what I said—what I accused him off. All these years, I had bottled up these words until now. My body was trembling as my voice got reduced to muffled sobs.

He was mad. Fuck, he looked terrifying.

"Your mother was 23," he muttered. "She knew what she'd be dealing with when she married me. She was after my money just like every other woman I met but I gave it to her. I gave her every single materialistic thing she wanted. Everything. All I asked from her was to yield when I wanted her to. But she went and screwed that man. It wasn't even the affair that mattered. She chose him over someone such as myself, and I'm expected to put up with that? Don't paint me as the devil, Lucy. You know nothing. There are so many other reasons as to why we split up. Don't bring this up again. Ever." He stormed out of my room.

I crumbled to the floor crying bitterly. Dad was right. I knew nothing. The nearly 20 years of marriage that had transpired between them wasn't love. It was mere convenience. Mom needed Dad's money and he needed her because she was young and beautiful.

I might have been a reason for them to stick together but I was indirectly a burden for my parents as they could never separate.

Maybe if I hadn't been born, I could have saved plenty of lives.