Solvergent

Chapter 10

I hear soft footsteps enter the room. Hopefully Evelyn or Tobias don't find me awake. I watch Tobias sit on the floor in front of me. Does he know I'm awake? I feel him grab my dangling hand. "Tobias?" I ask, "Huh?" He says. "Are you okay?" I ask, "No," he answers.

"What's wrong?"

"I've been thinking."

"About what?"

"I don't want to worry you."

"You can tell me. In jail I'd always tell my cell mate what I was thinking."

"I thought you were alone."

"I was. She was only my cell mate for three years before she died of depression. Molly was her name."

"Your mom would be jealous if I told you, it took a while before I let her explore my mind."

"Your fear landscape."

"Yes."

"Is that what this is all about?"

"Sort of. Let's just say they should start calling me five."

"What's the new fear?"

"Losing your mom. And you."

"She'll be fine."

"I know. But what about you? If Peter wasn't there to stop you you could have been killed."

"Could have."

"What was the chance of you living? You had no one to protect you? Caleb wouldn't have helped you. He's to much of a coward."

"You don't know that."

"Raven, I know him better than you do."

"So? People change."

"Not to me."

"Peter changed."

"He was brain washed."

"Al changed."

"Not for the best."

"You changed."

"How?"

"You're softer."

"Was that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Never mind."

"Look, all I need to know is that you're safe when your mom comes back."

"I will be. You need to stop worrying about me."

He gives a small smile. "That's all you've been saying since you got here." He squeezes my dangling hand, within minutes I start to fall asleep.

I wake up, Tobias is in front of me still. He lies there motionless. I get up and make him some tea for when he wakes up. Evelyn doesn't wake up for hours, Tobias wakes up right after. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you but I've forgotten to," Tobias says.

"Shoot," I say. "When's your birthday?" He asks, "January twelfth," I answer. "So you'll be fourteen soon," he says, and I nod. "But I don't really care about my birthday, it's just another day of my life," I say. He sips his tea, "How do you know so much about everything?" Evelyn asks.

"Well, when you're in jail all you have is time so my mom would sort of 'school me' for most of the day," I say. Most of my life was spent learning about the past and who my family was. After all, what else was there to do?

"I know I put you under house arrest but because I want to save Tris early we need to keep training you," Tobias says, "go and get ready." I run to the bathroom and start the shower. Once I'm ready Tobias and I head to the train. This time, though, we don't go by the grass where all we do is jump.

Today, we have to climb a large structure to get up. My mom told me about a similar memory from after the choosing ceremony. I hoist myself up, carefully making my way up. My fingers start to slide, I feel myself almost fall. Tobias holds onto my back.

When we make it to the top I sit down. I start breathing heavily, and I massage my hands. "Are you okay?" Tobias asks, "Yeah I'm fine, just give me a minute," I answer. I hear the train approach, "Are you okay to jump?" He asks, and I nod. He helps me up, "Run," he says.

I force my legs to move, and keep my eyes open for a good opportunity to jump. Tobias jumps and so do I. When we make it to dauntless we go into a small room with a chair, some syringes and serums, and a computer. "What is this room?" I ask.

"This is where we looked at fear landscapes," Tobias answers.

"Why are we here? I thought you were training me?"

"I am. I'm training you how to mentally prepare yourself for attack. You never know when you'll encounter your fears."

"But what if I get a heart attack?"

"You won't. I'll go through it with you."

"Ok fine."

He grabs a syringe and injects a serum into both our necks. He places something on our foreheads and motions for me to sit on the chair. "Let's go," he says.

We find ourselves standing in the middle of a large field filled with people. "I'm not scared of people," I say. I hear someone shouting out my darkest, embarrassing secrets. "Public humiliation," I say, I cover my eyes and try to pretend I'm not there.

Tobias and I are laying in the grass. I start to hear buzzing. It gradually grows louder. And louder. And louder. Our entire bodies become attacked by bugs, and small creepy creatures. I scream and try to run, but our bodies are stuck to the ground, "I have a huge fear of bugs!" I try to swat everything away.

Everything turns pitch black. I can feel the presence of multiple people. All there, just staring at me. "What is this fear?" Tobias asks, "The fear of being watched," I answer. My attention stays focused on my surroundings. I squeeze Tobias's hand for safety. Then I realize,

This isn't real.

"There's no one really here. It's just us. This isn't real!" I say to Tobias. We walk through the darkness until I feel warmth. Warmth from the sun. I look down and see miles of ocean below me. I scream and cling onto Tobias. "Get us out!" I shout, "I don't like the idea of being this deep in the ocean!" He starts swimming, "Let's find land," he says.

We keep swimming until we find ourselves in a room with my mom, Molly, Evelyn, Caleb, and a double of Tobias. They look at me with nasty looks, "Mom?" I say. I run to give my mom a hug. "Go away, I don't want you anymore," she says. "What?" I whisper to myself, what is this fear?

Everyone walks away. Then I realize what this is. This is the fear of losing my family and friend's love. "No. This isn't real. This isn't real. They all still love me. This isn't real," I say to myself. Tobias wraps his arms around me. "You're okay," he says. Then I hear gunshots. I see them all go hysterical.

I see Molly go down. I try to save them but a wall separates Tobias and I from them. Then Caleb goes down. Then Evelyn. Then Tobias. Then my mom. "No!" I scream, I fall to my knees. "This is the fear of my love ones being killed right in front of me and I can't do anything to help them," I cry.

I open my eyes and find myself back in the room with Tobias. I start to hyperventilate, my eyes filling with tears. I hold my head in my hands, "Never put me through that," I sob, "ever again." Tobias rubs my back, "You're okay, you're safe," he says. I see his face go from sympathetic to thoughtful.

"How did you realize it wasn't real?" He asks, "I don't know I just knew," I say. "Come with me," he says, and we leave dauntless. He takes us to a large building filled with rooms that look similar to where we did the fear landscape. "Where are we?" I ask, "This is where the aptitude tests are taken," he answers.

"Why are we here?" I ask, "I want to test if you're divergent, which you most probably are," he says. He gives me vial filled with a blue liquid. I drink it and close my eyes. When I open them I find the room empty. I see a dog approach me. This seems familiar, mostly because it is.

It's one of my moms memories. Everything that happens is exactly how my mom described the aptitude test. When I wake up Tobias nods, "I was right," he says. "You're Abnegation, Amity, and Dauntless." I give a sarcastic curtsy, "The only thing I'm not is Erudite and Candor," I say. Tobias laughs, "Oh boy," he says.