South Park x Reader One Shots

Cookies (Clyde x Reader)

Clyde was still sweaty from running drills with his team on the field. Through the sea of cheerleaders and fans, there was only one girl he wanted to see.

Y/N.

She had a niche interest of his that he couldn't share with anyone else. She was really into (your fav thing). He saw her at a lecture once looking it up on her laptop and he felt his heart flutter.

Every time he tried to talk to Y/N he either came across as too harsh or too stupid. He had trouble getting his foot in the door with her.

"Hey, Y/N," he leaned against the wall with his arm over her, "So uh, are you going to catch the game on Friday? I'm gonna be in it. I mean, the game. I'm playing. I'm the Fullback. So I'll be playing."

Uh oh, I'm losing her.

"You should come. It would give you something to do this weekend."

She raised her eyebrows and he instantly regretted saying it.

"That's kind of rude. Do you think I'm just sitting around in my dorm hoping and praying the football star will passively ask me to go watch his game? That then my life would finally be complete?"

She slipped out from under him, "You're a joke."

He watched her leave through the double doors and banged his fist against the wall, hanging his head.

Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me?

...

Back at the frat house, he didn't feel any better. He scrolled mindlessly through the TV looking for nothing until he lands on a movie that catches his attention.

It was about a spell that makes the love interest fall for the main character instantly.

Clyde debated whether or not it was ethical if he were to hypothetically use something like that on Y/N.

It's technically against her will. But it's not like I'm trying to force myself on her. I just want her to give me a chance and then decide for herself.

He wanted nothing more than have something real with her but he knew realistically he would have to be grateful for whatever he could get.

The witch on TV reminded him of someone he knew. Someone who would know exactly how to go about it.

...

The house down the street from sorority row was run down and frankly just plain haunted-looking. Which, naturally, made it home to the goth kids.

He decided to come under the cover of night so no one would see him there.

God even their doorbell sounds creepy.

Henrietta answered the door with an impatient scoff.

"Henrietta I-"

"Aren't you that preppy conformist football guy?"

"Yeah."

"Then fuck off."

She began to close the door but Clyde stopped it with his foot.

"Please I need your help," He held out a few packs of cigarettes, "Here, I brought these."

She squinted.

Clyde looked over his shoulder and then whispered, "I need a love spell for Y/N."

She didn't say anything. She walked back inside, leaving the door open as a hesitant invitation for him to come in.

The air was thick with cigarette smoke and angst.

None of the other goths acknowledged him as she sat down at the old table in dim candlelight.