And Start Over ||SamxBucky||

(chapter 7 I'm sorry)

Sam closed the door slowly, thinking about what him and Raynor talked about, about bucky. He still felt nervous about him, he couldn't believe all the stuff he had going on, and especially self harm, that was what made Sam's skin crawl. He's seen pictures and such of what self harm can look like and how bad it can get, he was just hoping that it wasn't super bad, but something told him it was. Bucky really was Sam's everything, no joke about it. He loves bucky, his company, presence, hugs, smile, just everything and it made Sam want to kiss- no wait, is that how Sam really felt. Sam stood there for a moment processing. Did he actually like bucky Barnes. Did he actually love him like that.....no no no. Sam shook his head a bit then turned around to see bucky staring at the ground next to Sam. Sam felt really bad for bucky, not knowing what was going inside his head made him worried. Sam walked towards bucky and he got snapped out of his thoughts as he seen Sam approaching him.

"Hey" Sam started, looking into Bucky's eyes. He didn't know what to say to Sam, he wanted to say so many things to him, explain everything but it was like there was something holding him back from doing so, it was killing him. He wanted to tell him so bad but how? Bucky stared back at him. "H-hey" he said, trying to give him a smile but it only came out as a small smirk. He thought it was better than nothing, at least he tried. He looked down at his lap, feeling the tension in the room rise. Sam walked over to him, around the coffee table and sat down next to bucky gently. Bucky watched as he sat down and now he just felt compelled to say something, to say anything. He needed to, they couldn't just sit in silence all day and not talk to each other, so bucky decided to start. "Sam..." He said, exhaling through his mouth. He felt himself do that thing again, his blood boiled with frustration. He prayed in his head he wouldn't seem like an ass hole when talking to Sam after not talking to him for so long. He leaned his head back and looked at the ceiling, trying to think, think about where to possibly start. He squeezed his eyes shut roughly, he felt his cheeks slightly heat up, anger rising in his system.

He knew he was going to have to start of with 'im sorry' he couldn't just not apologize, for the way he has been ignoring him for as long as he has, he really needed too. Sam saw how bucky was struggling, saw easily angry he got. That's what the file said though. 'anger issues and episode's' he looked at how bucky tried to collect his words and say something, the way he started bouncing his leg due to his frustration made Sam feel bad. He could tell he was going through a lot. "Buck....take you're time, no need to feel pressured in anyway when around me" Sam said, smiling at him. Bucky looked at him and felt his heart melt into his words. Bucky really was home and he knew it. Even after all of this time of ignoring Sam, Sam still treated him like any other human being and cared for him like family. Bucky breath through his nose and looked away, down at the coffee table that had Sam's cup on it. He again, tried to think of anything to say, but those two words were still stuck in his mind 'im sorry'

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, then soon opening them. Sam has never seen bucky like this before, he's always seen the happy bucky, the one that wanted to go out for a beer or two, maybe even out to go to a store, but this, this was a different type of bucky, of course he still saw the bucky in him he knew, but this one was more broken and lost than anything. He needed help, and that's what Sam's was going to do. Bucky looked down at his metal hand and layed his flesh hand on top of it, then giving it a big squeeze and closing his eyes. "Im-im sorry" he finally said. He sounded so broken, lost and empty, he was struggling with himself so much, struggling with his mental health and his mind that Sam could see he needed help, Now. Not tomorrow or any of that, it was going to start today. Sam was caught by surprise by this though, he didn't even expect him to apologize, but why did he in the first place. Sam didn't see why he had too.

"Your fine bucky. There's nothing to do sorry for-" he got cut off

"Sam.... I've -ive been ignoring you for days, Weeks! Now, I should apologize. You're,... you're my best friend and I shouldn't have done that, just.....just been going through some stuff you know" he said, then looking into Sam's eyes seeing his surprised but yet saddened look. Sam saw how tired bucky looked, he looked exhausted and it tore his heart apart. he shook his head at bucky, he really just couldn't believe what he said to him, he really didn't have to apologize, it wasn't no biggie. Maybe it was just because Sam had a big heart. "Hey don't, bucky really, I don't care that you haven't texted me back or anything. I'm still here, right next to you" Sam said gently. Bucky really appreciates how soft Sam could talk to him, he loved the way Sam would talk to him anyway, he could listen to his voice for hours at a time and not get sick of it. bucky nodded his head and looked back at his lap, feeling better since he said sorry to Sam. He still felt that guilt bubble in his stomach, but tried his best to brush it off since Sam already said that it was okay and that he didn't need to say sorry.