Slight Smut in this chapter.
"He was over here" Bucky said. It was morning, the sun was barely shining due to the fog, snow. It was so, so damn cold. The house was cold but warm, it was basically room temperature. He wasn't even sure how he was so cold, why he even was, but it was so familiar, the feeling of cold blood running through his veins. He's felt this overwhelming of coldness before, the way his body would shiver from it and up his spine. The winter soldier days, the days where he would basically never be fully warm, he would be like ice to the touch. He didn't understand how he was dealing with it so good, I mean no one could handle how could he is right now, just him, or someone like Steve because they are both super soldiers so there able to handle the cold better than normal people. Sam was worried, getting a little shaken up by Bucky's actions last night. It was a long lasting night, waking up every few minutes, almost like he was checking on bucky to make fully sure that he was still in bed, comfortable. He woke up every few minutes to just see bucky looking down at his hands. Bucky was scared, way too damn nervous to even get a peep of sleep after what had happened.
Sam stood by Bucky, looking around the room while bucky showed where the person, Zemo, had sat. Bucky pointed to his bed, showing exactly where he sat. Bucky knew he hallucinated but man could he tell you how spooked he felt. The spot where Zemo sat was totally normal, no spot where he was sitting, the only spot that showed where someone with sitting was at the edge of the bed where bucky was. Bucky looked down at the floor where he knew he scratched it when he fell last night, but it wasn't there, nothing was. He blinked, feeling a vibe, a feeling like he couldn't even step in the room. He didn't want to, he didn't want to move so he quietly stood in the doorway, looking into the room as Sam stood there, soon looking where bucky was pointing at, at the bed. Sam really didn't know what to say to bucky, he just felt so creeped out by the situation. Sam had a feeling deep down that this was a hallucination.
He wanted to say that to bucky but he didn't want to stress bucky out or even mention it, so he simply listend to bucky, looking down at the bed where Zemo sat. It scares Sam, it scared him if bucky was going to get worse from here on out. He wasn't sure what to do for the poor man, all he thought that was the best salutation was to bring bucky back to wakanda, knowing full well that he would be better after being there for a while. He held hope for a while, hoping that bucky wanted to go back there and get better but when he looked into Bucky's eyes at the mention of wakanda, it was like Bucky's eyes turned into a look of 'I don't want to go back' Bucky wanted to, hell he really, really did. He knew he would get better and be a better person if he went there but why, why did he feel this feeling like something was pulling him back, like he was getting held back by a restraint.
His mind yelled, begged to go back there, to go back there and get to be a better person, get a better hold on his mental health but he just couldn't, he can't. It wasn't because of Sam, he knew now that wakanda would be totally fine with Sam going with bucky, to be with bucky and make sure he'll be okay as he learned to get better with everything, with his mind. Bucky couldn't go back though, he just couldn't trust himself with going back. Bucky had wall built up, brick walls that held each problem he had. It was like each one in his head had a section, one would be self harm, the other would be, anger, and etc etc, but the main one, the one that crumbled down more and more each day, that would crack, making little pieces from the top to break off and fall down into the abyss. The winter soldier. That wall, that wall was high, so so high up because he had to hold back for so long, to keep that side controlled. Even if he did go to wakanda to get better and which he did, but even so, he was still what he used to be. He didn't want to think that way, or actually feel that way, he actually wished he just died on the train when he fell. He was and will always be the stone cold killer he was before, and he still is.
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And Start Over ||SamxBucky||
Fanfictionʕ'• ᴥ•̥'ʔ this includes the falcon and the winter soldier. I didn't include much of the show but. self harm, most chapters/ slight eating disorder/ panic attack's/ suicide mentions but not much/hallucinations, only in one chapter/mature conte...
