And Start Over ||SamxBucky||

(chapter 30 But.....)

'hey,...come on cheer up Steve, I'm fine' bucky said. Steve and bucky walked side by side down the sidewalk. It was already two days later since bucky got out of the hospital, he was healthy and energetic, like he never actually was sick, with splitoma. He was so happy now, glad to get out of the hospital and finally get back to his life, not have to worry every time the doctor or nurse came in, scared that they would tell him something he didn't want to hear, but he never did, even though he had it really bad it started to get better, and here he is now, with Steve, his best friend, the closest thing he's got while they walk together. Steve didn't care though, he was still really worried for bucky, he couldn't help but feel like bucky was hiding something from him. They have been friends for far too long to not tell when something is off with each other. Steve shook his head, growing irritated at buck. "Bucky, come in I can tell something up, really" Steve said, raising his voice just a tad bit, feeling like he wanted to smack bucky upside the head for not telling him what's wrong. He was smart and could tell that bucky was acting off, ever since he got the illness, even though he's better now.

Bucky sighed loudly, Steve being able to hear, even over all of the people that walked passed them talking and laughing. It made Steve and even bucky pretty jealous, wishing they could laugh and have fun like most people, but bucky and Steve had it pretty hard for being so young. Bucky's jaw clenched a little bit, not wanting to tell Steve the truth. The truth is though, that Bucky's actually been feeling dizzy a lot, even though his fully better. He feels lightheaded here and there, but tried to make himself think it was the after effects of being sick. "I- Steve listen, I'm fine ok-" bucky said before he was cut off. Steve sent daggers towards him. Steve couldn't take it anymore, he was sick of bucky being so stubborn. Hell, bucky was worse than him. Bucky got surprised when Steve pulled him away from the sidewalk and into a small alley to their right. Bucky breath hitched and he got yanked by the arm. Steve let go of bucky arm and looked up at him with eyes that held worry and irritation. Bucky saw this and he felt his heart break.

Bucky couldn't lie to Steve, he was his everything and he didn't want to lie to Steve. He didn't deserve that, not one bit. "Okay....okay" bucky said sighing, looking to his right, blinking repeatedly, scared that what he about to say might freak Steve out, and if it does freak him out, it will him to because he hates seeing Steve so worried, it kills him. Steve waited, feeling like forever as they stood in the alley as people would pass by them in the sidewalk, giving them dirty looks here and there like people usually did and Steve would look at them with the same look, not caring if the person got pissed on how Steve looked back at them like that. Steve's heart was racing now, his nerves were slightly shaking, but not just scared for bucky telling him that he still feels kinda off, but there was one thing in Steve's head and it screamed at him, telling him that he didn't want bucky to die, he really, really didn't, he loved bucky. Bucky felt his stare, it gazing right through his soul so he slowly looked back at Steve, seeing that he looked like he was on the verge of tears.

God, bucky just wanted to have a good day, not have to deal with this and make Steve upset again. He should have just made it seem more like he was fine instead of not trying as hard. He felt like everything was his fault, everything and he already had a bit of depression, well, I mean who wouldn't, it was the thirty's for crying out loud. He felt like he just wanted all of this to be over, he wanted to go back to the things once were and he wanted to just be able to not worry about all of this. "Tell me p-please" Steve said, stuttering. It was so sad sounding that it made bucky feel so damn bad. It was a shattering feeling that went through buckys heart, like if you threw shards of glass through it. His emotions felt all of a sudden thrown off, just looking at Steve, they way his glossy tear filled eyes looked back at him made bucky forget all of the happiness that he felt just a minute ago, like it got tossed out the window soon forgotten. He licked his lips, for some reason feeling dry but most likely the cold weather. He sighed deeply, a little ting of smoke leaving his mouth. "I ughhh......"bucky said, getting nervous. "Steve........I don't know" bucky said, closing his eyes and wishing that this moment wasn't happening.