And Start Over ||SamxBucky||

(chapter 31 I'm here)

But.....
Let's just say that bucky, the one and only winter soldier, the man that's been through hell, been through deep deep hell and back. He's been through countless fights, injuries, had his arm ripped off, been manipulated, tortured, hurt, bleed, almost have died plenty of times, brainwashed, it was almost sickening how much this poor man had been through. He's just a person, he's a person that's done nothing wrong, that's just enjoyed his life and it ended up doing a big turn and everything went down hill, his walls turning inside out for the worst. He honestly believed that he had to have done something maybe in his past life to deserve all this pain. Bucky lifted his hand, bringing it to Sam's cheek softly and slowly then soon brushing his hand over his cheek gently, caringly. God, was he really going to end up under ground, deep in the ground and in a casket. He never planned how he wanted to be buried, he actually never put thought into it, never really ready for his time to come, but now he's actually considering how he wants to be ten feet under ground.

It ain't a surprise is it? He's in so much pain that it's starting to become unbearable. Bucky lowers his hand as it starts to hurt from just simply brushing his fingers with his flesh hand over Sam's face as he sleeps soundly in bucky's arms. His arm was lazily wrapped around bucky's waist, his body twitching here and there as he dreamt. It was honestly a sight you could adore. He looked so peaceful. Bucky just watched, the love of his life that he thought would never be his true love, the love of his life. He never thought that they would get together, but man, have these past months been the best months of his life. The times he's had with Sam, the days he's spent with him were amazing, even the ones before they got together, he was just so grateful to have him. It's sad though, thinking about just how fast time can fly, how you will wake up one day and you will be old, living out the rest of your few years you have left before you go.

Sad to know that we will be in a hospital bed, etc, and have to say goodbye to your friends and loved ones. Buckys always wanted to know what was possible after death, always wondering what's behind this hell. Maybe he would wake up and it was all just a fluke, a dream of some sort, maybe just a thought, he really didn't know but if he could, he would do anything to find out what lies beyond it all, to find out what really happens after death. His mind raced with thoughts, his head running through race tracks of its own, trying to find answers, to find, anything really. Maybe he's trying to find words, words he should say before he dies, that should be said to Sam, the only one that's stuck by his side since God knows how long. The one that's believed him and never doubted him. The one that's always told him he was going to be fine. They've had their ups and downs, fights and such, but they never hated each other's gut, wanting to kill each other actually, they just had a rough time getting along for a while, but now, buckys happy that he made the decision he did and turned back to Sam when he did.

Bucky closed his eyes as a pain shot through his head. There it was, that feeling, that overwhelming feeling of pain shooting through him once again like he was going to pass out all of a sudden. He wished deep down though, that he could have just hung out with Sam just a bit longer, maybe even got together a bit sooner, they could have had more time together and bucky wouldn't have to have felt so guilty, but he does, he honestly wishes that he could turn back time and got together with Sam way sooner.

It ain't fun though, when you do something so dumb, even as simple as just saying a word to someone and right then it tears your whole world apart, like ripping your heart out with your bare hands as the guilt you thought you could never feel run through you like the blood that pumps through your veins. You stay up all night thinking about it, just how awful it was to say what you said, or do what you did, but you know you can't turn back the clock, the time, to go back and restart what you regret you did or said. Bucky groaned a little as the pain subsided, but went through a different part of his body, his chest, oh, did it feel like a knife was getting jabbed repeatedly through his chest bone and to his heart. His breath hitched as the pain was so bad that he couldn't even move, nor breath. It felt like you got kicked in the stomach and the wind got knocked out of you, like your throat gets closed up from eating something you are so allergic to. It was like an electric shot to the body.