And Start Over ||SamxBucky||

(chapter 13 knife & blood)

Bucky and Sam liad in the bed for about twenty minutes. They ate then soon left for therapy. Sam has been going with bucky knowing that it comforted him when he was talking to Raynor. Of course it was the same as usual, talking about if he still had nightmares, or how he was doing and if he was mentally doing okay. Bucky told her everything she needed to know but kept the conversations short. He hated talking to others, but when it came to Sam or his family, he would talk a lot more. Bucky was in so much love with Sam, loving everything about him, every little detail. He loved Sam's smile, the way his eyes would light up. How he would squeeze his eyes shut when laughing to hard or the silly joke's he would make or the jokes he would tell Sam that Sam found absolutely hilarious. He never knew how he got so lucky, so lucky to meet a man like Sam. He was grateful, so fucking grateful that he met him. He's helped him so much, helped him through his hard times over the month and he couldn't help but smile at the thought. What's funny though, that bucky feels something, something deep in him that's almost telling him something that he just can't simply wrap his mind around. It was like a scared feeling, almost like something could possibly happen. Now don't get bucky wrong, he feels this way a lot, even when he's around people or just walking by them, but not to Sam though of course.

Bucky had this feeling when he knew something was going to go wrong, it was almost like he could sense it completely. He knew it was because of the super soldier serum. The serum did a lot of fucking things he could tell you that. He honestly wasn't sure if it was going to happen soon or tomorrow, but he felt the sense of it, knowing it was going to happen sooner than he thought. It scared the living daylights out of him, not knowing when something bad was going to happen. It didn't feel like it was going to happen to someone, but him. It was him, he was sensing himself, feeling something bad was going to happen. Now this has happened before in the past but it was strong, way to strong. He sat in his bed, his legs Criss crossed. It was late, about '1:30'am Sam went to his bedroom about a hour ago since he didn't want to make it obvious that Sam and bucky were practically together now. Bucky understand whole heartedly and didn't complain at all, but missing his touch as he left his room.

Bucky looked around his room almost like he was seeing if there was anything new that somehow appeared in it. No, it was just the simple walls, floor, blankets, nightstand, ect. He felt his eye lids heavy, but he didn't really want to go to sleep due to the gut feeling he had, scared that something was bound to happen. His mind usually got the best of him, would tell him negative shit all the time and he tried to not believe it, but it seemed like right now he had to. He was confused, irritated at the fact that he didn't know what this feeling was or why he all of a sudden felt this way a few hours ago. When it happened a few hours ago the feeling wasn't that strong, it was faint and bucky shrugged it off knowing it was just a feeling he was feeling, but as the second, minutes, hours passed, the feeling in his gut told him different. He looked down at his hands that were in his lap, thinking very hard. Should he wake Sam up and tell him- No no no. Bucky shook his head. He couldn't do that to Sam, put all that stress on him. He didn't want him worrying, he already worries about bucky enough.

His eyes were heavy, he was ready to just fall asleep but he was scared to, he was so nervous to but he couldn't just stay up all night, he had to at least get two or three hours of sleep, it's better than nothing. Bucky let out a deep sigh defeated with himself. He knew he couldn't stay up all night, today he's just been really exhausted. He felt fine today, but mentally he felt more numb during the day than he usually does. He's felt this way before though, it doesn't worry him much but if it keeps happening it definitely will. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, trying to calm his brain nerves down as he very slowly laid back, resting his head on the pillow cushion, wiggling his body slightly to get fully under the covers. Warmth spread throughout him making him shiver a bit from the amazing feeling. He pulled the covers over his shoulders and turned on his left side, opening his eyes then looking at the door. It was closed and he honestly didn't always like it closed, but tonight he just felt off, like there was a reason he should close it so he did. He felt the urge to keep it open, but then there was something stopping him too?