Raynor saw it now, she saw what she hadn't put her finger on in a while. When bucky said what he said, it made her totally stiff. Her eyes widened. That side of him, the winter soldier side of him, the side that she knew was gone, thought was gone but for it to only try to come out. She realized now that all the reasons why he got so fucking angry, so irritated and would burst out is because of that side of him, that evil, cruel, sick crazy side of bucky. She knew it wasn't his fault, it wasn't his fault that he ended up being in this situation. It wasn't his fault that he ended up surviving. Hydra, it was hydra, hydra, everything that was wrong with him was because of hydra. She looked at bucky, looking into his eyes like she does every session, but now she knew, knew what was actually wrong with him, his winter soldier side couldn't get held back good enough anymore, due to how long he's held that side of him, but she saw the ghost, he was a ghost. His eyes held coldness that would make you shiver. Now that she stares into his dark grey eyes, she just realizes that she can basically see that side of him, that cold dark down right evil person. He needs help. She remembered when he came in here for the first time, him walking into his office and as he turned the corner, she had to take a moment to register just how bad bucky looked, how fucking terrifying he looked. He looked like a stone cold killer when he walked in, and now, now she can see that part of him slightly showing again.
His eyes were holding anger, rage, and that was the same look when he first came in here too. Bucky felt the urge to just jump up out of his seat and walk out the door, forgetting that he ever came to here. His blood pumped through his veins quick, fast and his heart thumped against his chest at a rapid rate that he hasn't felt in a while. He hasn't felt this nervous for anything in a while and his hand started to become clammy with sweat, sweat dripped down the back of his neck gently that made him shudderd just the slightest but nobody noticed. He didn't know what to say or do, all he knew what to do was wait for Dr Raynor's response to what he said. It was a long pause and it felt well to drug out, feeling like the long pause of waiting was hours. He hated it, for Raynor not to respond to him, it made him desperate to know if this was a really bad thing or not or it was just a normal thing that happens. He looked at her and saw that she was like a statue, completely still as she stared at bucky for what felt like an endlessly long time.
She then blinked, looking at Sam who was staring at the floor nearly lost in thought. He was scared for bucky, afraid that this was something really really bad......but oh, it was. Really, really bad. She looked down at the coffee table, thinking long and hard. Bucky and Sam waited patiently for her to answer. Bucky was getting anxious, anger pooled in him and he didn't know how much longer he could take if the silence that filled the room, but right as he was about to say something. "James........ something..... something like this shouldn't have happened.....it's not normal. James what you did....was-Bad....what you did was-" She said, cutting her own self off realizing that if she finished her sentence it would have made bucky jumped up off the couch he was currently sitting on and start lashing out out of anger. She was going to say 'what you did was dangerous and he was' in so many words 'going crazy' but she knew he would have took it the wrong way, thinking that she was referring him to a monster, the monster he used to be. Yes, she knew he wasn't a monster, a killer anymore, but if he held a knife and was perhaps going to kill him, she knew immediately he was dangerous. Of course, she would never say that face to face with him or anyone, but he needed to do something about this now straight away.
Bucky looked down at his lap, listening to what she said and when she reached her last words. 'what you did was-' and stopped, he whipped his head up in a blink of an eye, so fast that actually Sam felt how fast bucky did it and he looked right at bucky who held instant anger. Sam couldn't even help but feel the anger radiating off of bucky, the heat coming off of him like a hot summer day. Bucky eyes held a look that Sam hasn't seen from him before, it was pure fury. 'oh god' Sam thought. He rubbed bucky thigh a little, letting bucky know that it was okay. Bucky didn't even notice Sam's hand on his thigh anymore, nore did he notice that Sam was there. His blood started to boil. His eye brows knitting together. Hand sweating even more than before. Sweat dripped down the back of his neck from his hair line and sliding down the smoothness of his neck, the soaking the fabric of his shirt. Bucky knew what she was saying, what she was wanting to say, and man, did that turn bucky into a heated mess full of fuming anger. "Say it" bucky said with a growl. It caught Raynor's attention, looking up from the table to bucky who was now practically having stream of smoke blowing out of his two ears.
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And Start Over ||SamxBucky||
Fanfictionʕ'• ᴥ•̥'ʔ this includes the falcon and the winter soldier. I didn't include much of the show but. self harm, most chapters/ slight eating disorder/ panic attack's/ suicide mentions but not much/hallucinations, only in one chapter/mature conte...
